Well, here we are, less than a week before “Father’s Day,”
and I thought, what a good time for families going through a divorce, or
families living in their post-divorce era, to contemplate an appropriate way to
celebrate this “Hallmark moment” occasion.
Now,
for a little history (and yes, I did look this up…I mean I can’t be an expert
in everything and, lawyering aside, I was always enamored by history). Turns out, my “Hallmark moment” remark
is not that far from the truth, but the origins of the holiday were purer. In fact, Father’s Day was an offspring
from Mother’s Day that had its roots much earlier in our country’s history
dating back to the Civil War era.
In
the 1860s, a divided West Virginia town proclaimed a “Mother’s Work Days” and
joined together mothers of Confederate and Union soldiers in solidarity. Presumably the appeal was that even though these mothers’
sons were on opposite sides of the battlefield, they were all mothers and loved
their children. Eventually, the
Mother’s Day we celebrate today evolved into a national holiday (but I will
save more of that history for next May).
Father’s
Day didn’t catch on that fast. As
one florist noted, “fathers haven’t the same sentimental appeal that mothers
have.” (Okay, keep in mind this was, from all accounts, in the early part of
the 20th Century..these mothers may have deserved flowers, but our
country didn’t even give them the right to vote). One of the first “celebrations” however, was held in a West
Virginia church on July 5, 1908,(hey, do you see a pattern here…trivia
question…what state first celebrated Mother’s Day and Father’s Day…? I would never have guessed West
Virginia…someday when you blurt out this little known fact and impress your
friends and family you will thank me) where a preacher’s Sunday sermon
memorialized 362 men who died seven months before in a coal mine
explosion. A year later, Sonora
Smart Dodd, one of six children raised by a widower in Washington State, tried
to establish the equivalent of Mother’s Day for fathers. Two years later, on
July 19, 1910, the nation’s first statewide Father’s Day was celebrated.
Nonetheless,
apparently it was the fathers who “scoffed at the holiday’s sentimental
attempts to domesticate manliness with flowers and gift-giving….often paid for
by the father himself.”
During
the 1920s and 1930s a movement arose attempting to combine Mother’s Day and
Father’s Day into a Parents Day. A
radio performer of the day, Robert Spere said that, “both parents should be
loved and respected together.” You see where that went…as it was apparently
retailers who fought a consolidation of the holidays concerned that it would
limit consumer spending.
Father’s
Day was not officially declared a national holiday until 1972 by President
Richard Nixon (though I’m pretty sure we celebrate this in our house long
before 1972). Okay, so he was a crook, but he fathered Father’s Day!
But
as noted above …Father’s Day did not have its roots in commercialism. It seems that the nation’s fathers
themselves were not interested in a holiday celebrated by gift-giving. That
first West Virginia father’s day commemorated the loss of 362 fathers, parents
to children who would never again feel a father’s love, or learn the life
lessons he could teach. And that
second Father’s Day was promoted by a daughter who, having lost her mother, knew
only too well the importance of a father.
So
moms, yes, I know your children’s father may not be the “top dog” at present,
and last month he did nothing for Mother’s Day, perhaps he was late paying child support (or, heaven forbid,
you’re paying it to him and you can’t stand it that you make more money than he
does…but that doesn’t make him a bad dad, does it?), and he’s done a bunch of
other things that not only do not make him a candidate for “Husband of the
Year”(that’s why you’re getting divorced) let alone “Father of the Year,” (and
sorry, my guy has both of those awards locked up). But your kids (those little
men and women) are made up of equal parts of BOTH OF YOU.
So
suck it up… Help your kids make it a special day for dad. That doesn’t mean expensive gifts or
any gifts at all. It could be as
simple as a card (hand- made is even better), or baking a cake or some cookies,
or helping them plan a picnic (PB&J is fine…it’s the thought that
counts). Will it do anything
to smooth relations between the two of you? Who knows? But
what it will do is make your children feel that THEY have done something
special for their father, and since they are 50 percent of him, it will likely
make your kids feel special too.
And as parents, isn’t that really what it’s all about?
