Valentine's Day- Did You Get Your Heart On?

As I write this, there are only a few hours remaining of February 14, 2016. So in these fleeting hours of Valentine's Day, I was contemplating how many relationships got their "hearts on" and how many relationships got their "hearts off." First, let's start with the reality check. Contrary to popular opinion, Valentine's Day is NOT a Hallmark Moment, nor one created by candy companies. My (very brief) research reveals the holiday had its origins with the Feast of Lupercalia, an ancient Roman Festival that may have something to do with the beginning of the bird mating season. Now I don't know what you did today, but I spent most of the day outside in glorious south Florida weather, but I didn't see even one pair of mating birds. The holiday evolved due to the efforts and daring of a priest named Valentine. The story goes that during the reign of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in several bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius found it tough to get soldiers and felt the reason was men did not join army because they did not wish to leave their wives and families. As a result Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. A romantic at heart (which is about the extent of a priest's ability to be romantic) Saint Valentine defied Claudius's unjustified order. Along with Saint Marius, St Valentine secretly married couples. When his defiance was discovered, Valentine was brutally beaten and put to death on February 14, about 270 AD. After his death Valentine was named a Saint. There are a few other variations on this theme, but, unfortunately, all of the ending go the same way, where Valentine meets an untimely demise. Sort of makes you want to just go out there and party with your honey, doesn't it? So here's the point. Love isn't about Valentine's Day. If you thought your significant other was going to make amends by showering you with candy, flowers and (my favorite) jewelry, and that these (truly) insignificant trinkets on one day would make up for he/she not showing love to you the other 364 days (365 this year as it is a leap year), you are sorely mistaken. What's the point? If you enjoyed Valentine's Day with your honey, then excellent. Good going. But if your day was something less than you expected, it's time to reevaluate your whole relationship. Love is not something celebrated only on holidays...not said as eloquently as Shakespeare, but what do you want from me...I'm a lawyer, not a poet. You have to work on love. If you don't want to work on it, love won't last. If you've worked on it and your significant other will not...it won't last. So the moral of this story...it take two to get their hearts on! If that doesn't work then we can help you get your heart off. Cindy Vova Law Offices of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 Learn more about my practice at http://www.vovalaw.com

Powerball Play Odds--How to Win the Lotto in Divorce in South Florida

In less than 12 hours somebody ( or somebodies) could become a billionaire and a half (That's another $500,000,000, in case you were counting). Of course, that's before Uncle Sam takes his share, but who are we kidding, there'd still be plenty to go around. Yes, at 10:59 tonight, this country's richest Powerball Jackpot will be up for grabs. Of course, your odds of winning, according to the statisticians, is 292.2 million to 1. So there's a staggeringly low chance you who are reading this blog are going to be the winner. But I could be wrong. Still, there is a much, much greater chance that you will, at some time in your life, get divorced (assuming you are married to begin with- since the only way to totally avoid divorce is not to marry in the first place). Yup, according to those statisticians again, your odds of divorcing are 50/50. Now, I am sure you'd rather have the deck stacked that way for tonight's drawing, but hey, we can all fantasize. But let's go with the fantasy for a moment. It's free, so what the heck. You look at the numbers and, on your last ticket- you got it, Powerball and all. Now, if your marriage sucked before the drawing, is it going to be any better afterwards? Let me share a secret with you---the answer is a resounding "no." Although money can solve some problems, it is not the cure-all for a bad marriage. The only thing that a lotto win brings to a couple on the brink of divorce is more money they have to fight about. So how does one win the lotto in divorce? First, although the odds are better of getting a divorce than winning the lotto, so are the odds of staying married. Try that first...communicate, and don't think winning the lotto will cure a bad marriage. Second, if divorce is inevitable, plan ahead. It is not a bad idea to consult with a Broward, Palm Beach or Miami-Dade divorce attorney before you actually decide to file for divorce. Remember that adage, "failing to plan, is planning to fail." You don't want to be caught short changed, literally and figuratively. Third, save up some funds. Couples splitting up often find themselves short of funds. Clearly, two people, or a family, can live more cost effectively in one home than two. Two homes will come in a divorce, sometimes sooner than later, so it is a good idea to have a reserve fund on hand. Also, you will need to retain an attorney, and, contrary to popular belief, practicing law is not a hobby to most of us. Although the spouse with less income can request that the wealthier spouse pay fees, most attorneys will not work without at least a good faith retainer to begin a case. Fourth, remember, time is money. That means, the more you fight, the more it costs both your spouse and you. So many issues can be resolved in significantly less time if the parties try to cooperate and timely provide documents that are requested, be straightforward, leave pettiness out and remember that the kids are not objects to be fought over. Fifth, chose your attorney wisely. Attorneys are often referred to as "counselors at law." Well, in the family law arena, that counselor role frequently goes beyond legal counsel. Check references, ask friends for referrals, read reviews (understanding that there may be the "odd" review where somebody was not happy- but make sure that's the exception and not the rule), talk to the attorney. Does the person sound like you are the "next in line" at the deli, or does the attorney seem like someone you could work with and rely on. Sixth, try to give your spouse the advice in #5 above. Truly, sometimes clients come to me, and when they tell me the attorney their spouses have hired, I up my retainer because I know that the opposing counsel is not easy to work with, will not have documents to me on time, I can't trust them ( an, unfortunately, growing number) and they know the more they do-and I mean the unnecessary things- the more they make. Okay, so I confess, I wanted to give this blog a snappy and timely title. There is no lotto to win in divorce.(though sometimes it seems closer with a good result) But, if you follow the steps above, the process can be a lot smoother, a lot less expensive, a lot less stressful, and the aftermath will leave you with some money to buy a few more tickets for the next Powerball. And, on the 292.2 million off chance that I win tonight, no worries, I'll be here tomorrow to take care of my clients and make sure their cases are handled and resolved. But I might take a little longer vacation next time. For everyone else, go on, be the eternal optimist. But you'll still be in the same position tomorrow, no lotto win, and the same marriage, good or bad. If it's the latter and you're in Broward, Palm Beach or Miami-Dade Counties in Florida, let me know if I can help you. Cindy Vova Law Offices of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 954-316-3496 info@vovalaw.com Visit our website: www.vovalaw.com

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS…OR HOW TO LOSE AT LEAST 100 POUNDS

With the celebrations of the last two weekends now behind us, it is time to get down to the serious business of 2016…a new year. Customarily, we all make some New Year’s resolutions, whether in the form of a literal or mental list, of things we want to do and things we want to change in the New Year. Statistically, though, most of these resolutions are broken within the first 30 days. One of the top ten resolutions made each year is to lose weight. This is where I can help because, for over 30 years my clients, on average, have lost over 100 pounds! This is what I commonly call the “Divorce Diet,” where shedding an unwanted spouse, almost without exception, also allows you to lose upwards of 100 pounds. Before starting this diet, however, as with any weight loss program, it is highly suggested that you consult your doctor. In this case, however, my suggestion is that the type of doctor you consult is a psychologist, because going through a divorce is going to put a lot of stress on your head as well as your heart. Of course, there are side effects as well, where the stress of going through a divorce frequently results in my clients truly losing weight from their own bodies, and then there is the resultant need to get a new wardrobe, have cosmetic surgery and start new lives…because, yes, there IS life after divorce. Now, hopefully you appreciated the sardonic humor in my “Divorce Diet.” Truly, I am not advocating that anyone try to lose weight with the aforementioned method. In fact, as we begin a new year, it is a good time to assess your relationships and count the blessing for what you have and what you can do individually, and as a couple, to make your relationship stronger. That may even mean going to see one of those “doctors” mentioned above, and hey, healing the mind is as important as healing the body. On the other hand, if you take the time to assess your marriage, or have already taken the time prior to the beginning of the year to do this and, after deep soul searching, truly believe that, to quote Humpty Dumpty, “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men” can’t put your marriage together again, then 2016 is the best time to move forward and move on. If the marriage can’t get better it will only go south, and not too many people want to go in that direction. So, as you return to your normal routine this week, think about that resolution list. You may not be able to keep all the resolutions you made, but if moving on from a bad marriage, remember you don’t have to do it alone. Here’s to what I hope will be a good year for all, with or without a weight loss program! -Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd. Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 954.316.3496 info@vovalaw.com

Divorce (Star) Wars: The Force Awakens

We live in exciting times. Not only is it the festive holiday season, but TODAY (and for the lucky and more hearty ones, last night) the new Star Wars movie , “The Force Awakens,” hits the big screen. Unbelievably (or, maybe more “believably”) it’s been 10 years since we’ve had a fresh dose of the likes of Luke Skywalker, R2D2, C3PO, Princess Leia, Hans Solo (he was much better as Indiana Jones-just saying) and, of course, the evilest of villains …Darth Vader. Now, I have to confess, I saw the first Star Wars movie when I was a teenager, 39 years ago. I reluctantly attended with my then boyfriend, who was not only enthralled with Star Wars, but was a Trekkie, Hobbit loving, Lord of the Rings kind of guy. That might explain why the relationship didn’t last, but I digress. I think I was also kidnapped into seeing the second Star Wars movie, but after that I lost track, and then lost the boyfriend. Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm for Star Wars comes from the fact that in family law it seems that I am involved in a daily intergalactic battle. The galaxy of family law is wrought with families in chaos who fail to understand that battles between husbands and wives should not be fought with words and a race to see whose lawyer can file the most motions. The wounds inflicted by these words and actions, although not visible, often leave permanent bruises that affect not only the parties, but their children long afterwards. Hey, sort of reminds mes of the light sabers used in Star Wars that can cut, burn and melt through just about anything. If you think I am wrong, just ask some people who have gone through this type of painful divorce (or who have been in a Star Wars movie). Interestingly, I actually read that George Lucas went through a devastating divorce many years ago that left him “penniless.” Now, I’ve not confirmed this information, but it might explain why he keeps bringing Darth Vader back, and why, if you are going through a divorce, you should take that mask off. The term that comes to mind most to me from Star Wars is “The Dark Side.” How about Darth Vader- apparently he went to the Dark Side and only came through when his son (who he’d been battling for a bunch of movies) was on the precipice of destruction. Is that the time a parent wants to “come through” and rescue a child? I hope it is a little earlier, or, more importantly, that the parents’ actions do not bring the child to the brink of destruction. Divorce should not be a battle between good and evil. When parties realize that the relationship is over, it is a time to acknowledge the end, and work with lawyers who do not align themselves with Darth Vader and the Dark Side, (and suck all the money out of the parties in the interim) but look to come up with a resolution. The resolutions are rarely perfect, but resolution allows the parties to move on. Unlike Star Wars, there should not be sequels to a divorce that go on for 39 years. This is what divorce lawyers call an annuity. So my friends, enjoy seeing “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” this holiday season, but stay away from the Dark Side, and during this holiday season and throughout the new year, may the “Force” be with you! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954.316.3496

The Holidays 2015- It's Just Not Right to Fight

Everyone is in the throes of the holiday season. Today is the last day of Hanukkah, and Christmas is a mere 11 days away, followed by the beginning of Kwanzaa the next day It seems that this time of year people are generally a little nicer, a little friendlier and is spite of the weather (ha, ha we live in Florida…the only “in spite” here is that our air conditioners are still blasting almost full force) there is a warmth in the air where smiles are exchanged among strangers, doors are held open for the shopper with arms full of packages, and overall things are a little, if not a lot more pleasant each day. Unfortunately, this season of cheer is often not shared by those going through family breakups, or those who have already gone through them and find a way to use this “season of happiness and cheer” as a “season of crappiness and tears.” In fact, family law practitioners frequently get more calls about “emergency issues” this time of year that most of the rest of the year combined. Not surprisingly, the most prevalent issue is timesharing. This is most common in families that are in the midst of a breakup and a timesharing schedule is not yet established. Still, we see it in situations where there is a timesharing schedule in place and parents decide to just ignore the schedule by not showing up when they are supposed to exchange the children, taking more time than the schedule permits, ignoring the schedule and going off to visit their relatives Oshkosh (or wherever) and failing to send the children off to see the other parent who may live out of the area. So what’s the take-away? STOP!!!!!! Just stop. You are ruining your attorneys’ holidays with your inability to, at least for a few weeks, be nice. Hey, here’s an idea….why don’t you parents out there who insist on turning the holiday season into “open season” (in the hunting sense) and treat the other parent of your children like you treat the stranger with an arm full of packages in Macy’s! Yes, I know it stinks to not be there when your kids wake up Christmas day and start opening the 50 outrageous gifts which will likely be discarded within a year, but really, does life change if you celebrate a day (or a week) before or after December 25th? Even if you miss religious services with your children because it’s not “your year” for Christmas, take them to church on another day. It does not marginalize the take away from attending a service. And Hanukkah, really, you’ve got 8 days and if you celebrate that holiday you know it is truly one of the least significant, from a religious perspective, and Judaism has many more holidays to celebrate. Besides, latkes taste just as good a week before or after Hanukkah as they do during the eight nights. Kwanzaa celebrates “family, community and culture” and you also have eight days to celebrate this joy, which should be enough to share. So all of you single parents out there, whether this is something new this year, or whether you’ve been living with it for many years…take the high road this holiday season. Show your kids the true spirit of the season….set an example, and maybe, just maybe this spirit can carry into the New Year. Happy holidays to all! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 (954)316-3496 info@vovalaw.com Visit Our Website at:

Ashley Madison-A Story that Won't Go Away

So, it has been about a month since the Ashley Madison password leak debacle first unfolded. Being a divorce and family law attorney, I thought I would see an immediate spike in business. After all, there were 37 million users, and, as we all know, when anything weird is happening in the world, South Florida always makes the news. In case anyone reading this was tucked away on an ice breaker in Antarctica during the past 30 days, Ashley Madison was a “secret” website where married (or those with allegedly “significant” others) could go to cheat on their spouses/significant others. The site’s slogan? “Life is short…have an affair.” Now, I have to admit, before the news broke, I had only heard the name Ashley Madison one time, and when I first heard it, I thought it was either: a) A baked snack (guess Dolly Madison was on my mind), or b) An on-line trendy women’s clothing and accessory site Although I have been pretty busy, nobody has come into my office and confessed to being an Ashley Madison customer or found their spouse was a customer. Believe me, I would know. Clients tell me all sorts of things where I hope my face isn’t exhibiting the shock my head is delivering. Of course, after 31 years at this, unique stories are harder to come by. Apparently though, family law attorneys were lower on the totem pole of individuals who stood to increase their business in the aftermath of the leaks. According to a story in USA Today last month, Ashley Madison itself faces a $760 million class action suit. The Guardian in London said there were fears that blackmailers would demand money to not reveal the names of Ashley Madison customers to their significant others or business associates. And, after all this, in my updated research, it appears that Ashley Madison is still alive and thriving! Still, an article on September 15, 2015 from eoline.com stated that a company called CynoSurePrime disclosed some of the customer user names, classified, according to the authors as ranging from “depressing”: to “hilarious.” Some names crossed into both categories. The author classified them into three categories: the “doubters”, the “deniers”, and the “users who thought it was Tinder” (apparently it is ok to hook up on Tinder). Here is a sample for your reading pleasure: Doubters: ishouldnotbedoingthis ithinkilovemywife thisiswrong whatthehellamidoing whyareyoudoingthis cheatersneverprosper donteventhinkaboutit isthisreallyhappening Deniers: likeimreallygoingtocheat justcheckingitout justtryingthisout goodguydoingthewrongthing Accidental Tinder Users: lookingfornewlife friendswithbenefits So what’s my read on this…if you’re going to cheat (and I am not advocating this at all), sometimes the old fashioned way is the best. At least there’s less evidence! As for my closing thoughts…Life is short….eat dessert first! Cindy Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 And for those whose names are NOT on the Ashley Madison site, but just have questions about family law issues,Read more on my website: Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. click the link

Recipe for Divorce- Don't Discuss Finances

As a divorce/family law attorney, a question I am frequently asked is, "So, what's the main reason couples get divorced?" This is typically at some cocktail party or other social event when a stranger probes into my profession. Then, before I even have a chance to answer, I usually hear, "It's cheating, isn't it." "Well," I explain, "Cheating is a symptom, not a cause." Then I get a laundry list of other "reasons" people believe divorce happens. (Could they be running through their personal list? Possibly, because I usually can point to at least a few people in a crowd that I represented in a divorce at some point...well, I don't actually "point" but I do make a mental note) When I finally pronounce the Cindy Vova assessment of the #1 reasons people get divorced, it is quite simply this....lack of communication! And, if we narrow that field even more so, it is often lack of communication about finances. Now it's official. According to a study released in June by Fidelity Investments, even with couples who thought they communicated well, 43 percent of them did not correctly know how much their significant other earned. Moreover, almost 50 percent of those surveyed did not know how much money they would need to save to keep their lifestyle in retirement or disagreed about the amount, as well as the age that they should retire. (Hint here folks-unless you are really, really rich....it's NOT enough- so you'll be seeing my blogs for a long, long time...) It was the same with social security benefits- nearly 50 percent had no clue what they would get and when (hint: you can look it up on line through the social security administration) So there you have it folks...You can communicate about money, tell your spouse what's going on, and figure out this retirement thing to keep your marriage going strong. Or, you can help me plan for my retirement...! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 For more about my firm, go to: