Divorce and Golden Books-Lessons Lawyers Don't Teach You

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Little Golden Book

Every Sunday (or at least those Sundays when I actually get to read the newspaper) I check out the list of “Best Seller” books appearing in the Lifestyle  section of the Sun Sentinel.   The ostensible purpose is of this exercise is to see if any of the titles and quick quips about the books catch my eye, but in reality more practical reason is in the event I am caught at a cocktail party with a bunch of the literary intellect,  I don’t sound like an uneducated, out of touch  buffoon and I can at least acknowledge that I’ve heard of a particular book.  (I will however, proudly proclaim that I do not know half the names of all the reality shows and other trite content that plagues the cable television airwaves, and I make no excuses for that when such programs make their way into cocktail conversation!)

Well, this week I came across the book Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Little Golden Book, by Diane E. Muldrow.  The fact that the book is Number 8 on the hardcover nonfiction list, down from Number 6 the prior week attests to the fact I haven’t had much time to read the paper lately.

But, I digress.  The description notes that the author, a children’s book editor, “offers tips for adults to get the most out of life.”   The mere mention of the title brought me immediately back to my own childhood, and I could see my little bookcase, filled with those gold and black foil spines, with classics from the iconic Poky Little Puppy to Five Pennies to Spend to the Little Red Hen.  I remember my dad reading these to me and later, me, trying, to read them to him or my older brothers, or whoever would listen.

But it appears the premise behind the book is not unlike a book popular first published in 1988 entitled  All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten.  In short, those parables that Golden Books published using puppies, hens, bears, suns, moons, stars and some incredibly unrealistic humans (Moms with perfectly coiffed hair and spotless aprons serving Dads as they sat in their chairs with slippers on their feet yet still wearing their tie from work!)gave little readers a little insight into life, good and bad, right and wrong and (my favorite) doing the right thing!  Unfortunately, these lessons from our past are often lost as we become adults and have to deal with “real life problems.”  These lessons are often buried even further when two parents are divorcing or splitting up.  If you find yourself in such a situation now, or are already past the actual “legal” process and are living separately with children under the court ordered or (hopefully) agreed upon parenting plan, think about it. Are you reading a Golden Book to your children at night that contains a good “life lesson,” and then spending the rest of the time with your children ignoring everything the book teaches?    I am not referring to the process of going through a divorce or separation and the impact on the kids, but during and certainly in the aftermath of divorce or separation (which, by the way is the rest of your life), practicing what you preach (or at least read) to your children. 

•         You cannot teach your children to be charitable and giving to others and then not pay your child support

•         You cannot teach them to always speak kindly of others or (as my parents told me daily….when you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything) and then trash your former spouse.

•         You cannot take children to a house of worship of any faith, expect them to learn from and live by the lessons of your faith, and then act rudely and impolitely to the other parent.

No need for me to go on with more examples. If you don’t get the point now you never will.

So keep reading those Golden Books (and all the other great kids’ books) to your kids…even when you think you are too tired; remember The Little Train Who Could. Then after you close the book and your children close their eyes, remember to live by those lessons.  Not only will it improve your children’s lives, it might just improve your life as well! 

WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE MAY NOT BE A WAY

                  As a child growing up I was often   subjected to many trite “old sayings” where my parents gallantly attempted to grace me with “word of wisdom” designed to persevere in the face of adversity.  Thus, any time I became frustrated while pursuing a project and on the cusp of quitting, I would hear, “Cindy, when there’s a will there’s a way.”  I took this to heart (most of the time) and usually got to the end goal.

                  Clearly, however, when my parents said this, they never contemplated a “will” in the legal sense.  You see the will of a person who has gone through a divorce, may not truly establish the way this individual intended to distribute his or her assets upon death.

                  “How can that be?” you may ask. 

                  Glad you did ask. Quite simply, frequently in a divorce judgment or settlement agreement there are certain rights and privileges of surviving spouses, former spouses and heirs that, absent addressing in an estate plan, may not be what you think.  Similarly, sometimes even when a former spouse receives an asset in the divorce, the failure to change the beneficiary of that asset after the divorce may result in the other former spouse reaping benefits clearly not intended by the former spouse who passes first.  Most commonly this occurs where beneficiaries are not changed in life insurance policies, 401Ks, IRAs and other similar retirement accounts, and bank accounts.

                  “Okay, Cindy, so how do I avoid that happening to me?”

                  Yet another  excellent question.  First, if you hired an experienced family law/divorce attorney that attorney would have either included language in the marital settlement agreement (assuming you did not go to trial) that circumvented this problem, or, even better yet, reminded you in writing after the final judgment was entered, to review all of these similar accounts and make the changes to your beneficiary designations.  (Yes, all of my client’s get this).  Still, you have to actually act upon this after the divorce!  I pride myself on excellent client follow up, but even I don’t   check back a few months later after a divorce to make sure the client followed my instructions.

                  The second step is to make sure after you are divorced that you have all of your estate planning documents (and that includes the will, a durable power of attorney, health care surrogate and trusts) updated by an experienced estate planning and probate attorney.   Imagine becoming incapacitated having not updating who you appoint as your health care surrogate and then having your ex dictating your medical care!   You know another one of those expressions from my youth (though not necessarily worded quite this way from my parents)… Pay back is a… well, you know.

                  Now if you have gotten this far and actually do have a consultation with an estate planning attorney, make sure  you bring your final judgment of divorce and marital settlement agreement with you as well as copies of any previous estate planning documents.

                  The point of this blog is to remind you that there are a heck of a lot of things that people going through a divorce typically do not think about, and why would they?  That is why hiring attorneys who focus on these issues is well worth it. After all, without a will there is not a way! 

"Good" Grandparents Not Taxed Twice

Child support, under Florida law, is calculated based on two main factors:

1)     The net incomes of both parents, and

2)     The number of overnights that each parent has with the child or children

So what happens when a child lives with grandparents instead of the parents. These situations are not as uncommon as one might think. Well, certainly the grandparent is entitled to apply for child support. But whose income is considered for making the calculation of the support amount?

Both the First and Second District Courts of Appeal in Florida have consistently ruled that only the incomes of the parents are used to make the child support calculations, and not the income of the grandparents.

In both DOR v. Channey ,  37 Fla.L. Weekly D1369(1^st DCA 2012) and  D.F. v. Department of Revenue ex rel, 736 So.2d 782,784 (Fla. 2d DCA 1999), the courts determined that, notwithstanding that children lives with grandparents, only the two parents’ incomes were to be used to calculate the support.

The rational, in citing to Chapter 409 Florida Statutes, was that “It is…the public policy of this state…that children…be maintained from the resources of their parents…”

Now that’s a novel concept….parents actually being responsible for the support of their children.

Father's Day...Not Only A Hallmark Moment

                  Well, here we are, less than a week before “Father’s Day,” and I thought, what a good time for families going through a divorce, or families living in their post-divorce era, to contemplate an appropriate way to celebrate this “Hallmark moment” occasion.

                  Now, for a little history (and yes, I did look this up…I mean I can’t be an expert in everything and, lawyering aside, I was always enamored by history).  Turns out, my “Hallmark moment” remark is not that far from the truth, but the origins of the holiday were purer.  In fact, Father’s Day was an offspring from Mother’s Day that had its roots much earlier in our country’s history dating back to the Civil War era.

                  In the 1860s, a divided West Virginia town proclaimed a “Mother’s Work Days” and joined together mothers of Confederate and Union   soldiers in solidarity.  Presumably the appeal was that even though these mothers’ sons were on opposite sides of the battlefield, they were all mothers and loved their children.  Eventually, the Mother’s Day we celebrate today evolved into a national holiday (but I will save more of that history for next May).

                  Father’s Day didn’t catch on that fast.  As one florist noted, “fathers haven’t the same sentimental appeal that mothers have.” (Okay, keep in mind this was, from all accounts, in the early part of the 20^th Century..these mothers may have deserved flowers, but our country didn’t even give them the right to vote).  One of the first “celebrations” however, was held in a West Virginia church on July 5, 1908,(hey, do you see a pattern here…trivia question…what state first celebrated Mother’s Day and Father’s Day…?  I would never have guessed West Virginia…someday when you blurt out this little known fact and impress your friends and family you will thank me) where a preacher’s Sunday sermon memorialized 362 men who died seven months before in a coal mine explosion.  A year later, Sonora Smart Dodd, one of six children raised by a widower in Washington State, tried to establish the equivalent of Mother’s Day for fathers. Two years later, on July 19, 1910, the nation’s first statewide Father’s Day was celebrated. 

                  Nonetheless, apparently it was the fathers who “scoffed at the holiday’s sentimental attempts to domesticate manliness with flowers and gift-giving….often paid for by the father himself.”

                  During the 1920s and 1930s a movement arose attempting to combine Mother’s Day and Father’s Day into a Parents Day.  A radio performer of the day, Robert Spere said that, “both parents should be loved and respected together.” You see where that went…as it was apparently retailers who fought a consolidation of the holidays concerned that it would limit  consumer spending.                 

                  Father’s Day was not officially declared a national holiday until 1972 by President Richard Nixon (though I’m pretty sure we celebrate this in our house long before 1972). Okay, so he was a crook, but  he fathered Father’s Day!

                  But as noted above …Father’s Day did not have its roots in commercialism.  It seems that the nation’s fathers themselves were not interested in a holiday celebrated by gift-giving. That first West Virginia father’s day commemorated the loss of 362 fathers, parents to children who would never again feel a father’s love, or learn the life lessons he could teach.  And that second Father’s Day was promoted by a daughter who, having lost her mother, knew only too well the importance of a father.

                  So moms, yes, I know your children’s father may not be the “top dog” at present, and last month he did nothing for Mother’s Day,  perhaps he was late paying child support (or, heaven forbid, you’re paying it to him and you can’t stand it that you make more money than he does…but that doesn’t make him a bad dad, does it?), and he’s done a bunch of other things that not only do not make him a candidate for “Husband of the Year”(that’s why you’re getting divorced) let alone “Father of the Year,” (and sorry, my guy has both of those awards locked up). But your kids (those little men and women) are made up of equal parts of BOTH OF YOU.

                  So suck it up… Help your kids make it a special day for dad.  That doesn’t mean expensive gifts or any gifts at all.  It could be as simple as a card (hand- made is even better), or baking a cake or some cookies, or helping them plan a picnic (PB&J is fine…it’s the thought that counts).   Will it do anything to smooth relations between the two of you?  Who knows?  But what it will do is make your children feel that THEY have done something special for their father, and since they are 50 percent of him, it will likely make your kids feel special too.  And as parents, isn’t that really what it’s all about?

No Trust in Trusts as Largest Divorce Judgment Busts Billionaire’s Attempt to Conceal Assets

        A Geneva, Switzerland court last month handed down “the most expensive divorce in history,”  according to the happy wife’s lawyer.  At least I assume the Russian tycoon’s lawyer is happy since Dmitry Rybolovlev, the former husband, was ordered to hand over an estimated $4.5 billion (4 billion Swiss francs) to his former wife, Elena Rybolovleva, amounting to half of his fortune.

        According to the Guardian newspaper in London, the divorce began in 2008, when the former wife (and currently really rich person) filed for divorce in Switzerland.  Her attorney’s initial actions included winning a freeze on a number of the now only semi-uber rich Rybolovlev’s  assets, including a majority interest in AS Monaco, a French soccer club, a $295,000,000 interest in the Bank of Cyprus and Donald Trump’s former Palm Beach mansion, La Maison de l’Amitie, that he bought for $95 million in 2008. (Maybe he was trying to get away from his wife).

         It appears from the article I read that the sly Mr. Rybolovlev, who made his fortune in post-Soviet Russia in the fertilizer business, transferred a significant amount of his assets to other relatives and into trusts and offshore accounts, allegedly prior to his wife beginning divorce proceedings.

        The Swiss court was apparently not persuaded by the attempts to shield Mr. Rybolovlev’s assets from his wife through these trusts, and threw all of the assets into one very large pot, dividing that stew equally between the parties.  So, if you are contemplating divorce and want to put your trust in a trust to shield assets from your spouse, you may want to think twice.  This guy, with all of his money, should have been really good at trying to protect these assets.  He failed (at this point), and if he can’t win, think about your chances. 

       Not surprisingly, Rybolovlev’s attorney, Tetiana Bersheda, said the decision will be appealed. 

       Of course, there is always the possibility that the parties will settle before the appeal is resolved.  I mean, really, is it going to make a big difference in Elena’s life if she ends up with, say, $2 billion?  In the mean time, I suppose the fees each party’s legal team earns continues to mount as the case goes on… Hmmmmm.

       Oh, and by the way, Elena also won custody of the parties’ 13 year-old daughter.  Glad the child was such a priority.

Museum of Broken Relationships...Is Your Divorce the Next Exhibit?

                  One of my favorite “Sunday” things to do is read the travel section of the paper.  Perhaps sitting on my patio enjoying a cup of American coffee and reading about Paris is the next best thing to croissants on the Champs Elysees.

                  This past Sunday I came across Rick Steve’s weekly column about “odd” museums in Europe.  The one particular museum mentioned that caught my eye was The Museum of Broken Relationships, located in Zagreb, Croatia.  According to Steves, (the famous travel guru who I long to come back as in my next life) the museum features “stories from failed couples from around the world, together with items representing their relationships.”  Included in the museum’s collection are “discarded wedding albums, sex toys with stories about unreasonable requests and plenty of items broken with vengeful wrath.”  Interesting to note is that the collection is “ever-changing” according to Steves.

                  As a family law and divorce attorney, I could not help but wonder if a similar museum would succeed in South Florida.  My mind began to work overtime as I created displays of various relics in my overactive imagination.   Broken crystal glasses, broken dishes, broken vases (hey, broken ANYTHING…think I’ve seen it all)  keys used to scratch cars, piles of empty wine bottles (perhaps we could turn them into some sort of free-form sculpture), ripped articles of clothing,  photos of storage units warehousing all the missing marital property, an iphone (or Android- I am politically correct) display where patrons could scroll through select text messages between parties and/or the cheating spouse and his/her paramour, videos of (fill in the blank) recorded by the private investigator, and so much more.  Come to think of it, I am sure I could truly have an ever changing collection that might even eclipse that of the Zagreb museum.   After all, doesn’t it always seem that the whacky news stories have at least some connection to South Florida?

                  Notwithstanding that I now revealed two alternate careers I might have enjoyed, to wit: museum curator and travel expert,   I suspect I will be in back in my office tomorrow, and the day after and, quite candidly, for the foreseeable future.  Still, I can always dream that in spite of imagining myself engaging in a new occupation, what I would really enjoy is not being able to think of more items to add to the “Broken Relationship Museum.”

                  True, whenever a marriage or relationship ends, usually there are remnants of what used to be.  Why expend so much energy in destroying these vestiges of the past? Maybe if people going through a divorce or breakup thought the results of their irrational actions would end up in some Broward County divorce attorney’s hypothetical museum they’d think before they sink. (Did I mentioned the sunken yacht?)    In all truthfulness, if couples going through these difficult times could focus on the good that previously existed in the relationship instead of dwelling on the bad, then they would spend much less time and a lot less money on attorneys and be ready to move on.  They might even save enough to go have those croissants in Paris.  

Politics Kills Alimony Reform in 2014 Legislative Session Election Year Climate Not Favorable for Controversy

A year ago I could not keep up with my blogs discussing the latest and greatest on the proposed alimony reform bills pending in the Florida House and Senate.  As you may recall, ultimately the House and Senate of Florida passed an alimony reform bill that would have had major ramifications, not only as it applied to alimony, but as it applied to time sharing between parents as well as other significant changes to family law overall.

            Then in the eleventh (literally) hour, Governor Rick Scott vetoed the bill, leaving the law unchanged last year, but still with the significant changes made to Florida alimony in the prior few years.  My parting words last spring, however, to paraphrase Arnold  Schwarzenegger (before he was California governor, and before he impregnated Maria's and his nanny)was that alimony reform will "be back."

            Well, in case you missed the new flash, it's not coming back this year.  I actually was privy to this information at the beginning of February when I attended the annual Florida Bar Marital and Family Law review course in Orlando, and the powers that be told us so. 

             It seems that since this is a Florida gubernatorial election year, our dear Gov was concerned that even introducing such a bill would create controversy (you think???), and no matter which way the shoe fell, even having the bill up for consideration was just bad politics.   Ritch Workman, the state representative from Florida's 52nd district, along with  Senator Kelli Stargel, who were the starring proponents of last year's legislation, were slated to give it another go this year.  According to my sources back in February, the outline of the bill (backed by F.A.R. -our friends at Florida Alimony Reform, who believe alimony is the root of all evil, particularly the evil of ex wives) was not that far off from where the Family Law Section of the Florida Bar felt that a compromise might be forthcoming.

            Seems Governor Scott was more concerned about advocating for other legislation that would create a more favorable political climate for his re-election.    This lines up directly with F.A.R. president  Alan  Frisher's sad lament in late February  when he expressed that he had "a frustration that is beyond words," after Workman let him know that Stargel and he decided to forego filing an alimony reform bill during the current legislative session.

           Ah, politics.  You have to love them.  It will be interesting to see how the governor's race shakes out, and what effect Scott's re-election, or the election of one of the Democrats vying for the position, has on the future of alimony reform.  If Scott wins re-election and backs next year's bill remember, you read it here first.   As to this subject, next year I'll be back!