Divorce (Star) Wars: The Force Awakens

We live in exciting times. Not only is it the festive holiday season, but TODAY (and for the lucky and more hearty ones, last night) the new Star Wars movie , “The Force Awakens,” hits the big screen. Unbelievably (or, maybe more “believably”) it’s been 10 years since we’ve had a fresh dose of the likes of Luke Skywalker, R2D2, C3PO, Princess Leia, Hans Solo (he was much better as Indiana Jones-just saying) and, of course, the evilest of villains …Darth Vader. Now, I have to confess, I saw the first Star Wars movie when I was a teenager, 39 years ago. I reluctantly attended with my then boyfriend, who was not only enthralled with Star Wars, but was a Trekkie, Hobbit loving, Lord of the Rings kind of guy. That might explain why the relationship didn’t last, but I digress. I think I was also kidnapped into seeing the second Star Wars movie, but after that I lost track, and then lost the boyfriend. Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm for Star Wars comes from the fact that in family law it seems that I am involved in a daily intergalactic battle. The galaxy of family law is wrought with families in chaos who fail to understand that battles between husbands and wives should not be fought with words and a race to see whose lawyer can file the most motions. The wounds inflicted by these words and actions, although not visible, often leave permanent bruises that affect not only the parties, but their children long afterwards. Hey, sort of reminds mes of the light sabers used in Star Wars that can cut, burn and melt through just about anything. If you think I am wrong, just ask some people who have gone through this type of painful divorce (or who have been in a Star Wars movie). Interestingly, I actually read that George Lucas went through a devastating divorce many years ago that left him “penniless.” Now, I’ve not confirmed this information, but it might explain why he keeps bringing Darth Vader back, and why, if you are going through a divorce, you should take that mask off. The term that comes to mind most to me from Star Wars is “The Dark Side.” How about Darth Vader- apparently he went to the Dark Side and only came through when his son (who he’d been battling for a bunch of movies) was on the precipice of destruction. Is that the time a parent wants to “come through” and rescue a child? I hope it is a little earlier, or, more importantly, that the parents’ actions do not bring the child to the brink of destruction. Divorce should not be a battle between good and evil. When parties realize that the relationship is over, it is a time to acknowledge the end, and work with lawyers who do not align themselves with Darth Vader and the Dark Side, (and suck all the money out of the parties in the interim) but look to come up with a resolution. The resolutions are rarely perfect, but resolution allows the parties to move on. Unlike Star Wars, there should not be sequels to a divorce that go on for 39 years. This is what divorce lawyers call an annuity. So my friends, enjoy seeing “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” this holiday season, but stay away from the Dark Side, and during this holiday season and throughout the new year, may the “Force” be with you! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954.316.3496

The Holidays 2015- It's Just Not Right to Fight

Everyone is in the throes of the holiday season. Today is the last day of Hanukkah, and Christmas is a mere 11 days away, followed by the beginning of Kwanzaa the next day It seems that this time of year people are generally a little nicer, a little friendlier and is spite of the weather (ha, ha we live in Florida…the only “in spite” here is that our air conditioners are still blasting almost full force) there is a warmth in the air where smiles are exchanged among strangers, doors are held open for the shopper with arms full of packages, and overall things are a little, if not a lot more pleasant each day. Unfortunately, this season of cheer is often not shared by those going through family breakups, or those who have already gone through them and find a way to use this “season of happiness and cheer” as a “season of crappiness and tears.” In fact, family law practitioners frequently get more calls about “emergency issues” this time of year that most of the rest of the year combined. Not surprisingly, the most prevalent issue is timesharing. This is most common in families that are in the midst of a breakup and a timesharing schedule is not yet established. Still, we see it in situations where there is a timesharing schedule in place and parents decide to just ignore the schedule by not showing up when they are supposed to exchange the children, taking more time than the schedule permits, ignoring the schedule and going off to visit their relatives Oshkosh (or wherever) and failing to send the children off to see the other parent who may live out of the area. So what’s the take-away? STOP!!!!!! Just stop. You are ruining your attorneys’ holidays with your inability to, at least for a few weeks, be nice. Hey, here’s an idea….why don’t you parents out there who insist on turning the holiday season into “open season” (in the hunting sense) and treat the other parent of your children like you treat the stranger with an arm full of packages in Macy’s! Yes, I know it stinks to not be there when your kids wake up Christmas day and start opening the 50 outrageous gifts which will likely be discarded within a year, but really, does life change if you celebrate a day (or a week) before or after December 25th? Even if you miss religious services with your children because it’s not “your year” for Christmas, take them to church on another day. It does not marginalize the take away from attending a service. And Hanukkah, really, you’ve got 8 days and if you celebrate that holiday you know it is truly one of the least significant, from a religious perspective, and Judaism has many more holidays to celebrate. Besides, latkes taste just as good a week before or after Hanukkah as they do during the eight nights. Kwanzaa celebrates “family, community and culture” and you also have eight days to celebrate this joy, which should be enough to share. So all of you single parents out there, whether this is something new this year, or whether you’ve been living with it for many years…take the high road this holiday season. Show your kids the true spirit of the season….set an example, and maybe, just maybe this spirit can carry into the New Year. Happy holidays to all! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 (954)316-3496 info@vovalaw.com Visit Our Website at:

Ashley Madison-A Story that Won't Go Away

So, it has been about a month since the Ashley Madison password leak debacle first unfolded. Being a divorce and family law attorney, I thought I would see an immediate spike in business. After all, there were 37 million users, and, as we all know, when anything weird is happening in the world, South Florida always makes the news. In case anyone reading this was tucked away on an ice breaker in Antarctica during the past 30 days, Ashley Madison was a “secret” website where married (or those with allegedly “significant” others) could go to cheat on their spouses/significant others. The site’s slogan? “Life is short…have an affair.” Now, I have to admit, before the news broke, I had only heard the name Ashley Madison one time, and when I first heard it, I thought it was either: a) A baked snack (guess Dolly Madison was on my mind), or b) An on-line trendy women’s clothing and accessory site Although I have been pretty busy, nobody has come into my office and confessed to being an Ashley Madison customer or found their spouse was a customer. Believe me, I would know. Clients tell me all sorts of things where I hope my face isn’t exhibiting the shock my head is delivering. Of course, after 31 years at this, unique stories are harder to come by. Apparently though, family law attorneys were lower on the totem pole of individuals who stood to increase their business in the aftermath of the leaks. According to a story in USA Today last month, Ashley Madison itself faces a $760 million class action suit. The Guardian in London said there were fears that blackmailers would demand money to not reveal the names of Ashley Madison customers to their significant others or business associates. And, after all this, in my updated research, it appears that Ashley Madison is still alive and thriving! Still, an article on September 15, 2015 from eoline.com stated that a company called CynoSurePrime disclosed some of the customer user names, classified, according to the authors as ranging from “depressing”: to “hilarious.” Some names crossed into both categories. The author classified them into three categories: the “doubters”, the “deniers”, and the “users who thought it was Tinder” (apparently it is ok to hook up on Tinder). Here is a sample for your reading pleasure: Doubters: ishouldnotbedoingthis ithinkilovemywife thisiswrong whatthehellamidoing whyareyoudoingthis cheatersneverprosper donteventhinkaboutit isthisreallyhappening Deniers: likeimreallygoingtocheat justcheckingitout justtryingthisout goodguydoingthewrongthing Accidental Tinder Users: lookingfornewlife friendswithbenefits So what’s my read on this…if you’re going to cheat (and I am not advocating this at all), sometimes the old fashioned way is the best. At least there’s less evidence! As for my closing thoughts…Life is short….eat dessert first! Cindy Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 And for those whose names are NOT on the Ashley Madison site, but just have questions about family law issues,Read more on my website: Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. click the link

Recipe for Divorce- Don't Discuss Finances

As a divorce/family law attorney, a question I am frequently asked is, "So, what's the main reason couples get divorced?" This is typically at some cocktail party or other social event when a stranger probes into my profession. Then, before I even have a chance to answer, I usually hear, "It's cheating, isn't it." "Well," I explain, "Cheating is a symptom, not a cause." Then I get a laundry list of other "reasons" people believe divorce happens. (Could they be running through their personal list? Possibly, because I usually can point to at least a few people in a crowd that I represented in a divorce at some point...well, I don't actually "point" but I do make a mental note) When I finally pronounce the Cindy Vova assessment of the #1 reasons people get divorced, it is quite simply this....lack of communication! And, if we narrow that field even more so, it is often lack of communication about finances. Now it's official. According to a study released in June by Fidelity Investments, even with couples who thought they communicated well, 43 percent of them did not correctly know how much their significant other earned. Moreover, almost 50 percent of those surveyed did not know how much money they would need to save to keep their lifestyle in retirement or disagreed about the amount, as well as the age that they should retire. (Hint here folks-unless you are really, really rich....it's NOT enough- so you'll be seeing my blogs for a long, long time...) It was the same with social security benefits- nearly 50 percent had no clue what they would get and when (hint: you can look it up on line through the social security administration) So there you have it folks...You can communicate about money, tell your spouse what's going on, and figure out this retirement thing to keep your marriage going strong. Or, you can help me plan for my retirement...! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 For more about my firm, go to:

SUPREME COURT RULES- SAME SEX MARRIAGE RECOGNIZED IN ALL STATES

IT'S OFFICIAL! The United States Supreme Court just issued its 103 page long awaited opinion in the Obergefell v. Hodges case, holding that the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution "requires a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex and to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of State." In a 5-4 decision (remarkably close, I must say, and surprising as to some of the pros and cons), the Supreme Court closed up the various holes that existed and now has determined that the law of same sex marriage must be applied equally throughout the Country. As an attorney, candidly I am relieved that we finally have some consistency, and I marvel at how, after over 200 years since it was drafted, our Constitution continues to be a living and breathing documents that adapts to the changing times. As an American, I take comfort and pride in the fact that we continue to move (sometimes more slowly than others) toward putting substance behind that Pledge of Allegiance I said every morning in school, of a nation...."with liberty and justice for all." And, no matter what side of the decision you may be on, please also remember that our First Amendment still gives you freedom of speech to voice your opinion without censorship. Let's all be thankful that we live in the United States of America....and for same sex couples, the US now truly is "united." Cindy Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954.316.3496

DIVORCE APHORISM OF THE DAY... "The divorced person is like a man with a black patch over one eye: He looks rather dashing but the fact is that he has been through a maiming experience." -Jo Coudert

On a More Serious Note, Memorial Day Thoughts....

So here it is, Memorial Day Weekend. For most of us this (except those in the retail and hospitality business…sorry working daughter) means a three day weekend filled with sun, sand, and barbeques, or some variation thereto. Sadly, most of us have lost sight of the true meaning of “Memorial Day,” though it would seem quite obvious from the name of the holiday. Historically, my research tells me that the holiday originated as “Decoration Day” when General John Logan, commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, declared that May 30, 1868 would be “designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion…” For those who need a little honing on history, that would be the Civil War. Of course, still not ready to acknowledge that they “lost,” the Southern States (of which, regrettably Florida was…and is…one) did not take kindly to this designation. Nonetheless, as the United States added a flurry of other wars to its history, and thankfully not wars where we battled each other, the idea of a unified Memorial Day came to be and was officially declared by President Lyndon Johnson in 1966. Over the years I have represented a number of service men and women in various family law matters. It’s tough moving around so much, getting sent off to crazy foreign places with even crazier people around whose principal goal it is to blow up the world. (a little oversimplified, but hopefully the point is made), and to, at the same time, have a spouse and children thousands of miles away. These clients have always been respectful (I have to make them stop the “yes ma’am” because it just makes me feel so old) and compliant with what we need to help with their cases. So when I hear about the atrocities that face our soldier on a daily basis, and when I hear about another attack, and more soldiers making the “ultimate sacrifice,” I often wonder, and sincerely hope that I am not hearing about any former clients. Let’s face it, we all become hardened to these stories and, for the most part, military deaths reported on the nightly news (or Twitter feed or whatever social media has augmented the old school method of communication) become statistics that we are numb to hearing. Otherwise, in reality, we would probably sink into such a deep depression that daily functioning would become impossible. Those who are remembered on this day were son and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, uncles and aunts, cousins and friends. They were part of a family who made the ultimate sacrifice to allow the rest of us to spend this weekend with our families. Last summer I made a trip to the Normandy landing beaches in France, where the D-Day invasion during World War II began. While looking out from under a gray sky into the gray waters of the English Channel, and reading the accounts at the museum, I could not help but muster deep gratitude and pride in what my father’s generation achieved during those historic days. Yet, only a few hours later I visited the Normandy American cemetery in Colleville-Sur-Mer, France. Perched atop a breathtaking cliff overlooking Omaha Beach. The endless rows of meticulously lined white stone crosses, intermingled with stars of David, brought home the reality of what that battle truly cost. In 1973, when I was a young teenager, I visited another World War II military cemetery that looked the same in the Philippines. There are too many of these cemeteries around the world and in our own backyards from the battles of the past and the battles of the present. In gratitude and in memory, let us all take a moment away at 3:00 today, (official time)from our family festivities or whatever we are doing, to think about those who lost that part of their family. Never take for granted that and those we enjoy each day. (Hopefully the link below will show you the Normandy cemetery....) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxwXZYV2nVjAOFVXdGROZHZzWDBRSjRhUHk3QnpmY3gtT2RB/view?usp=sharing To Learn More About my firm, visit www.vovalaw.com