Divorce (Star) Wars: The Force Awakens

We live in exciting times. Not only is it the festive holiday season, but TODAY (and for the lucky and more hearty ones, last night) the new Star Wars movie , “The Force Awakens,” hits the big screen. Unbelievably (or, maybe more “believably”) it’s been 10 years since we’ve had a fresh dose of the likes of Luke Skywalker, R2D2, C3PO, Princess Leia, Hans Solo (he was much better as Indiana Jones-just saying) and, of course, the evilest of villains …Darth Vader. Now, I have to confess, I saw the first Star Wars movie when I was a teenager, 39 years ago. I reluctantly attended with my then boyfriend, who was not only enthralled with Star Wars, but was a Trekkie, Hobbit loving, Lord of the Rings kind of guy. That might explain why the relationship didn’t last, but I digress. I think I was also kidnapped into seeing the second Star Wars movie, but after that I lost track, and then lost the boyfriend. Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm for Star Wars comes from the fact that in family law it seems that I am involved in a daily intergalactic battle. The galaxy of family law is wrought with families in chaos who fail to understand that battles between husbands and wives should not be fought with words and a race to see whose lawyer can file the most motions. The wounds inflicted by these words and actions, although not visible, often leave permanent bruises that affect not only the parties, but their children long afterwards. Hey, sort of reminds mes of the light sabers used in Star Wars that can cut, burn and melt through just about anything. If you think I am wrong, just ask some people who have gone through this type of painful divorce (or who have been in a Star Wars movie). Interestingly, I actually read that George Lucas went through a devastating divorce many years ago that left him “penniless.” Now, I’ve not confirmed this information, but it might explain why he keeps bringing Darth Vader back, and why, if you are going through a divorce, you should take that mask off. The term that comes to mind most to me from Star Wars is “The Dark Side.” How about Darth Vader- apparently he went to the Dark Side and only came through when his son (who he’d been battling for a bunch of movies) was on the precipice of destruction. Is that the time a parent wants to “come through” and rescue a child? I hope it is a little earlier, or, more importantly, that the parents’ actions do not bring the child to the brink of destruction. Divorce should not be a battle between good and evil. When parties realize that the relationship is over, it is a time to acknowledge the end, and work with lawyers who do not align themselves with Darth Vader and the Dark Side, (and suck all the money out of the parties in the interim) but look to come up with a resolution. The resolutions are rarely perfect, but resolution allows the parties to move on. Unlike Star Wars, there should not be sequels to a divorce that go on for 39 years. This is what divorce lawyers call an annuity. So my friends, enjoy seeing “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” this holiday season, but stay away from the Dark Side, and during this holiday season and throughout the new year, may the “Force” be with you! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954.316.3496

The Holidays 2015- It's Just Not Right to Fight

Everyone is in the throes of the holiday season. Today is the last day of Hanukkah, and Christmas is a mere 11 days away, followed by the beginning of Kwanzaa the next day It seems that this time of year people are generally a little nicer, a little friendlier and is spite of the weather (ha, ha we live in Florida…the only “in spite” here is that our air conditioners are still blasting almost full force) there is a warmth in the air where smiles are exchanged among strangers, doors are held open for the shopper with arms full of packages, and overall things are a little, if not a lot more pleasant each day. Unfortunately, this season of cheer is often not shared by those going through family breakups, or those who have already gone through them and find a way to use this “season of happiness and cheer” as a “season of crappiness and tears.” In fact, family law practitioners frequently get more calls about “emergency issues” this time of year that most of the rest of the year combined. Not surprisingly, the most prevalent issue is timesharing. This is most common in families that are in the midst of a breakup and a timesharing schedule is not yet established. Still, we see it in situations where there is a timesharing schedule in place and parents decide to just ignore the schedule by not showing up when they are supposed to exchange the children, taking more time than the schedule permits, ignoring the schedule and going off to visit their relatives Oshkosh (or wherever) and failing to send the children off to see the other parent who may live out of the area. So what’s the take-away? STOP!!!!!! Just stop. You are ruining your attorneys’ holidays with your inability to, at least for a few weeks, be nice. Hey, here’s an idea….why don’t you parents out there who insist on turning the holiday season into “open season” (in the hunting sense) and treat the other parent of your children like you treat the stranger with an arm full of packages in Macy’s! Yes, I know it stinks to not be there when your kids wake up Christmas day and start opening the 50 outrageous gifts which will likely be discarded within a year, but really, does life change if you celebrate a day (or a week) before or after December 25th? Even if you miss religious services with your children because it’s not “your year” for Christmas, take them to church on another day. It does not marginalize the take away from attending a service. And Hanukkah, really, you’ve got 8 days and if you celebrate that holiday you know it is truly one of the least significant, from a religious perspective, and Judaism has many more holidays to celebrate. Besides, latkes taste just as good a week before or after Hanukkah as they do during the eight nights. Kwanzaa celebrates “family, community and culture” and you also have eight days to celebrate this joy, which should be enough to share. So all of you single parents out there, whether this is something new this year, or whether you’ve been living with it for many years…take the high road this holiday season. Show your kids the true spirit of the season….set an example, and maybe, just maybe this spirit can carry into the New Year. Happy holidays to all! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 (954)316-3496 info@vovalaw.com Visit Our Website at:

Ashley Madison-A Story that Won't Go Away

So, it has been about a month since the Ashley Madison password leak debacle first unfolded. Being a divorce and family law attorney, I thought I would see an immediate spike in business. After all, there were 37 million users, and, as we all know, when anything weird is happening in the world, South Florida always makes the news. In case anyone reading this was tucked away on an ice breaker in Antarctica during the past 30 days, Ashley Madison was a “secret” website where married (or those with allegedly “significant” others) could go to cheat on their spouses/significant others. The site’s slogan? “Life is short…have an affair.” Now, I have to admit, before the news broke, I had only heard the name Ashley Madison one time, and when I first heard it, I thought it was either: a) A baked snack (guess Dolly Madison was on my mind), or b) An on-line trendy women’s clothing and accessory site Although I have been pretty busy, nobody has come into my office and confessed to being an Ashley Madison customer or found their spouse was a customer. Believe me, I would know. Clients tell me all sorts of things where I hope my face isn’t exhibiting the shock my head is delivering. Of course, after 31 years at this, unique stories are harder to come by. Apparently though, family law attorneys were lower on the totem pole of individuals who stood to increase their business in the aftermath of the leaks. According to a story in USA Today last month, Ashley Madison itself faces a $760 million class action suit. The Guardian in London said there were fears that blackmailers would demand money to not reveal the names of Ashley Madison customers to their significant others or business associates. And, after all this, in my updated research, it appears that Ashley Madison is still alive and thriving! Still, an article on September 15, 2015 from eoline.com stated that a company called CynoSurePrime disclosed some of the customer user names, classified, according to the authors as ranging from “depressing”: to “hilarious.” Some names crossed into both categories. The author classified them into three categories: the “doubters”, the “deniers”, and the “users who thought it was Tinder” (apparently it is ok to hook up on Tinder). Here is a sample for your reading pleasure: Doubters: ishouldnotbedoingthis ithinkilovemywife thisiswrong whatthehellamidoing whyareyoudoingthis cheatersneverprosper donteventhinkaboutit isthisreallyhappening Deniers: likeimreallygoingtocheat justcheckingitout justtryingthisout goodguydoingthewrongthing Accidental Tinder Users: lookingfornewlife friendswithbenefits So what’s my read on this…if you’re going to cheat (and I am not advocating this at all), sometimes the old fashioned way is the best. At least there’s less evidence! As for my closing thoughts…Life is short….eat dessert first! Cindy Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 And for those whose names are NOT on the Ashley Madison site, but just have questions about family law issues,Read more on my website: Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. click the link

Recipe for Divorce- Don't Discuss Finances

As a divorce/family law attorney, a question I am frequently asked is, "So, what's the main reason couples get divorced?" This is typically at some cocktail party or other social event when a stranger probes into my profession. Then, before I even have a chance to answer, I usually hear, "It's cheating, isn't it." "Well," I explain, "Cheating is a symptom, not a cause." Then I get a laundry list of other "reasons" people believe divorce happens. (Could they be running through their personal list? Possibly, because I usually can point to at least a few people in a crowd that I represented in a divorce at some point...well, I don't actually "point" but I do make a mental note) When I finally pronounce the Cindy Vova assessment of the #1 reasons people get divorced, it is quite simply this....lack of communication! And, if we narrow that field even more so, it is often lack of communication about finances. Now it's official. According to a study released in June by Fidelity Investments, even with couples who thought they communicated well, 43 percent of them did not correctly know how much their significant other earned. Moreover, almost 50 percent of those surveyed did not know how much money they would need to save to keep their lifestyle in retirement or disagreed about the amount, as well as the age that they should retire. (Hint here folks-unless you are really, really rich....it's NOT enough- so you'll be seeing my blogs for a long, long time...) It was the same with social security benefits- nearly 50 percent had no clue what they would get and when (hint: you can look it up on line through the social security administration) So there you have it folks...You can communicate about money, tell your spouse what's going on, and figure out this retirement thing to keep your marriage going strong. Or, you can help me plan for my retirement...! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 For more about my firm, go to:

SUPREME COURT RULES- SAME SEX MARRIAGE RECOGNIZED IN ALL STATES

IT'S OFFICIAL! The United States Supreme Court just issued its 103 page long awaited opinion in the Obergefell v. Hodges case, holding that the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution "requires a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex and to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of State." In a 5-4 decision (remarkably close, I must say, and surprising as to some of the pros and cons), the Supreme Court closed up the various holes that existed and now has determined that the law of same sex marriage must be applied equally throughout the Country. As an attorney, candidly I am relieved that we finally have some consistency, and I marvel at how, after over 200 years since it was drafted, our Constitution continues to be a living and breathing documents that adapts to the changing times. As an American, I take comfort and pride in the fact that we continue to move (sometimes more slowly than others) toward putting substance behind that Pledge of Allegiance I said every morning in school, of a nation...."with liberty and justice for all." And, no matter what side of the decision you may be on, please also remember that our First Amendment still gives you freedom of speech to voice your opinion without censorship. Let's all be thankful that we live in the United States of America....and for same sex couples, the US now truly is "united." Cindy Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954.316.3496

DIVORCE APHORISM OF THE DAY... "The divorced person is like a man with a black patch over one eye: He looks rather dashing but the fact is that he has been through a maiming experience." -Jo Coudert

On a More Serious Note, Memorial Day Thoughts....

So here it is, Memorial Day Weekend. For most of us this (except those in the retail and hospitality business…sorry working daughter) means a three day weekend filled with sun, sand, and barbeques, or some variation thereto. Sadly, most of us have lost sight of the true meaning of “Memorial Day,” though it would seem quite obvious from the name of the holiday. Historically, my research tells me that the holiday originated as “Decoration Day” when General John Logan, commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, declared that May 30, 1868 would be “designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion…” For those who need a little honing on history, that would be the Civil War. Of course, still not ready to acknowledge that they “lost,” the Southern States (of which, regrettably Florida was…and is…one) did not take kindly to this designation. Nonetheless, as the United States added a flurry of other wars to its history, and thankfully not wars where we battled each other, the idea of a unified Memorial Day came to be and was officially declared by President Lyndon Johnson in 1966. Over the years I have represented a number of service men and women in various family law matters. It’s tough moving around so much, getting sent off to crazy foreign places with even crazier people around whose principal goal it is to blow up the world. (a little oversimplified, but hopefully the point is made), and to, at the same time, have a spouse and children thousands of miles away. These clients have always been respectful (I have to make them stop the “yes ma’am” because it just makes me feel so old) and compliant with what we need to help with their cases. So when I hear about the atrocities that face our soldier on a daily basis, and when I hear about another attack, and more soldiers making the “ultimate sacrifice,” I often wonder, and sincerely hope that I am not hearing about any former clients. Let’s face it, we all become hardened to these stories and, for the most part, military deaths reported on the nightly news (or Twitter feed or whatever social media has augmented the old school method of communication) become statistics that we are numb to hearing. Otherwise, in reality, we would probably sink into such a deep depression that daily functioning would become impossible. Those who are remembered on this day were son and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, uncles and aunts, cousins and friends. They were part of a family who made the ultimate sacrifice to allow the rest of us to spend this weekend with our families. Last summer I made a trip to the Normandy landing beaches in France, where the D-Day invasion during World War II began. While looking out from under a gray sky into the gray waters of the English Channel, and reading the accounts at the museum, I could not help but muster deep gratitude and pride in what my father’s generation achieved during those historic days. Yet, only a few hours later I visited the Normandy American cemetery in Colleville-Sur-Mer, France. Perched atop a breathtaking cliff overlooking Omaha Beach. The endless rows of meticulously lined white stone crosses, intermingled with stars of David, brought home the reality of what that battle truly cost. In 1973, when I was a young teenager, I visited another World War II military cemetery that looked the same in the Philippines. There are too many of these cemeteries around the world and in our own backyards from the battles of the past and the battles of the present. In gratitude and in memory, let us all take a moment away at 3:00 today, (official time)from our family festivities or whatever we are doing, to think about those who lost that part of their family. Never take for granted that and those we enjoy each day. (Hopefully the link below will show you the Normandy cemetery....) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxwXZYV2nVjAOFVXdGROZHZzWDBRSjRhUHk3QnpmY3gtT2RB/view?usp=sharing To Learn More About my firm, visit www.vovalaw.com

Best Gifts for Mom? Read On

So here we are on the cusp of another Mother’s Day. The proverbial question always surfaces. What should we do/get Mom for Mother’s Day? Being the mother of only two children, I have no credentials to speak for all mothers, or even those who, bless their souls, mothered so many kids they could field their own sports team. However, since, as a family law attorney who, over the past three decades, has represented many mothers perhaps I have a little more insight into what the sisterhood of motherhood really wants from their children…not just on the second Sunday of May, but for now and always. Okay, okay, I won’t deny that I love the excitement of a surprise gift as much as the next mom. And when someone else does the cooking, be it in my own kitchen or at a restaurant, it is always a good day. But let’s face it, the flowers die, the gifts get worn out or used up (except jewelry …but even that often goes out of fashion) and the food, well, let’s just say the only thing that one retains from a nice meal is a few extra pounds. So what do moms want? When my kids were really little, and after caring for ill parents and working full time, what I really wanted for Mother’s Day was to be left alone. A single mom of three who works in my office said that “peace and quiet” was what she wanted this year. But instead she plans to take the kids to an art studio where they can paint a cup or dish or something so that she has a great fun day with her threesome and a little memento to remember that day long after. Another attorney lamented that she had to spend the day traveling from Miami to Palm Beach to see her mother, grandmother, mother-in-law and grandmother-in- law. I told her not to fret because the day would come when she didn’t have the burden placed on her on “her day”...but it would be when they were dead… I think I made my point. Typically, I get treated to brunch on Mother’s Day morning, but this year my oldest daughter is studying for the last two of her 1st year law school exams. So we are staying home, because I can’t think of anything worse than being out trying to enjoy the day with a daughter stressed out…besides it brings back flashbacks of that horrible time for me. So what would be my best short term gift for mother’s day? Well, my daughter getting a good grade on her torts and contracts exams would be way up there. So if by some fluke of life Professor Silver and Professor Sullivan somehow read this, her last name begins with a Z and her first name begins with a J…Thank you. Still, all in all, let’s review briefly what Moms do. Moms make the sacrifices. We go the sleepless nights; we organize the birthday parties; we don’t pass out when blood is gushing out of a child’s body part; we never (or rarely) miss their child’s sporting/dance event, even if the child plays the position of bench warmer most of the time; we put work (and more often “life”) on hold when a child calls to tell of their latest triumph or tribulation; we volunteer to be the parent who picks up not only their kids, but however many others the car will hold from a really late party and let them all sleep over; we leave notes taped on the bathroom mirror before leaving for work so their kids take care of things they are supposed to without getting a note (okay, maybe that’s only me, but nagging is one of my outstanding motherly characteristics according to my younger daughter); and we cry at the graduations and other life events. After all, the person who gave you life is at least entitled to that! Overall, all mothers want some assurance that we’ve done a good job being a mother. Many years ago, when my girls were still young, mothers going through divorces would often ask me if they were doing the right thing in raising their children. My answer back then was unwavering regardless of who asked. I simply replied, “Come back in 20 years and I’ll let you know, because, honestly, I don’t know if I am doing it right.” In the time I’ve had to make these observations, whether with clients or in my own circle, I’ve seen Moms who rightfully deserve the superhero award whose kids fell off the path, and I’ve seen moms who should be stripped of their titles who’ve turned out superstars. How do I reconcile that? I don’t, and hearken back to what Scarr, the evil uncle of Simba in the Lion King said to his naïve little nephew, “ life’s not fair.” Now that most of those 20 years have passed since this question was first posed to me, I am still not sure I could tell moms they are doing it right or wrong. But sometimes, when I least expect it, I watch my daughters emulate something I (think) I taught them, and even more so, sometimes they teach me a thing or two. These small moments of triumph are worth all the flowers and brunches in the world. In these moments, I’d like to think I at least got at least a passing grade. So to all you kids out there (which means you have a mom), on Mother’s Day go for the brunch and flowers, but let her know more than once a year, especially if she is a single mom, that you are grateful for everything she has given up for you, both large and small. It is the gift that keeps on giving! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL. -Cindy Vova To learn more about how the Law Office of Cindy S. Vova can assist you with family law matters, visit our website: http://www.vovalaw.com

No Changes to Alimony-Florida Legislature It's All Phony

With the recent deadlock that took place between the Florida House and Senate, resulting in a legislative session that did, essentially, nothing, I was reminded of a boyfriend I had in college at the University of Miami, who I met in, of all places, accounting class. When our Friday class ended and our weekend officially began, I would always suggest that we do our homework so that we'd have it out of the way. "But what if the world ends on Sunday? Then we'd have wasted our last weekend studying," he would always retort. For the past two months, every evening I'd say to myself, "time to write a blog about the two bills pending in the Florida House and Senate regarding alimony reform." Now, I was well aware of what each of these bills contained, and I had even discussed them with clients, and had done some preliminary calculations using the proposed formulas for calculating alimony. Alas, any insight this blog would have provided would all have been for naught. Yes folks, as you've likely already discovered, the House, running loggerheads with their brothers and sisters in the Senate, decided to just pick up their bats and balls and go home. (Remember, this is our state government and not Little League.) Thus, it seems pretty likely that any changes to the current Florida Alimony Statute will just have to wait until next year. Whew, do I feel better that I didn't impart any useless information on you this round. A side note, however, just today Senate President Andy Gardiner and House Speaker Steve Crisafulli told their minions that they are to return for a June session where, at the very least, they will attempt to pass a State budget...or face a state government shutdown (no court??) Clearly, there are a lot more important items that impact on many more residents of this state than alimony reform and the House and Senate need to do the jobs we elected them to do. Of course, my clients may disagree, but that's another story. I just sincerely hope that the special session next month doesn't mess up any of our legislators' vacation plans. As for next year, I hope the Senate understands that alimony and timesharing with children do not fit in the same bill. In the meantime, if you need assistance with current family law matters, please contact our office or visit our website to learn more about how we can assist you (under the current law!)http://www.vovalaw.com Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 954-316-3496

The Family Law Attorney-Robots Need Not Apply

              So, I am sitting in room full of very wealthy people.  (Note: I am only here for observation), and we are learning about digital/machine technology that bit-by-bit continues replacing people in various fields.  The very intelligent speaker (I’d like to come back as this speaker who waxes so eloquently) tells me, as well as a room of about 200 other people who are, as previously mentioned, ostensibly very wealthy, about surgeries performed by robots and sometimes by doctors in remote locations. (Wait, let me put down this pina colada and make the incision).  He spoke of other computers that can do all sorts of functions that humans  used to do  using this wonderful technology concept with algorithms and lots of other cool terms that I could throw out in the blog but, candidly , don’t have a clue how they work. Then he piqued my interest when he spoke about machines that can help make legal decisions(!)

                He spoke of a world where “humans need not apply.”  So true in so many situations.  He even spent some time talking about the self-driving car (Hey, I thought of this idea probably 45 years ago. However, since I was to be a future lawyer, I fit right into the mold as an over-ambitious person who sucks at math and science, and missed the boat on that one.)

                As the speaker continued on, I had the urge to stand up and pose an objection (Hey, I am a trial lawyer, after all).  Of course, under the circumstances, that would have been rude, so those manners my parents (who are long gone) taught me prevailed, and I just decided to write about my dissent instead.

                The grounds for my objection were (in my head) based on the following:  There are just some jobs where humans not only need apply, but where humans must apply and must perform.

                I like to think that my job as a family law attorney is one such position that cannot be replaced.  Why? Because family law transcends so much more than just the law.  Yes, one of those rocket scientists could probably program a machine to crank out vanilla pleadings that have the barebones necessities to say what needs to be pled, and to calculate child support Candidly, we already have that.  But what about the rest?  You see, as one of my favorite law professors said to my class over 30 years ago, “the facts do make an impact on the case.”  So while I continue to use a bunch of unrelated quotes, let me continue with classic rocker Rod Stewart who said “every picture tells a story.” Almost without exception, each of the over 2000 family law cases that have made their way through my door, had its own unique story.  And I listen to each story, and as I contemplate the facts, the most important thing I do is I care.  The one thing that always shocks me is when a client says, “I know I don’t have a big case, and you have more important clients…”  I don’t know if I want to laugh or feel hurt, because without exception, I tell that client, “When you are here in my office, you are the most important client I have.”  And, I really mean this because, as I often say, I was a person long before I became a lawyer.[1]

                So, notwithstanding that moving lecture I heard the other night, I am pretty confident that I have job security, and my staff does as well.  Because, one of the essential tools in family law, at least in my practice, is having a heart.[2] Although there are machine-made artificial hearts, they cannot replace a real heart needed to practice family law. I know some of my family law colleagues do not share my view and do not practice with a heart.  But, at the end of the day, I think I sleep a little better at night, and hopefully so do my clients.

---

[1] After so many years in practice, I have now been a lawyer more years than my pre-lawyer life, but I have not lost touch with the human part as it is the most important part.

[2]  One also needs this to land the role of the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz).

Learn more about the Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. at www.vovalaw.com

THE PARENTAL ACHIEVEMENT TEST...HOW WELL DO YOU SCORE? (go ahead...it's self graded)

    While listening to National Public Radio on Sunday, I heard an interesting story about a high school in New Jersey where, as part of a health class project designed to, among other things, discourage teen pregnancy, girls were entrusted with robotic infants to care for over the course of two days.



     According to the report, the babies exhibited all the characteristics of "real" infants: crying, sleeping, eating, burping and requiring diaper changes although, I think, the latter neither involved the mess nor the odor that come with the real McCoy. 

  
      Moreover, when the  plastic baby cried (which, according to the report, occurred quite frequently) the "mother" had to determine if the baby needed to be fed, changed, burped or rocked, and to act on the baby's needs within a prescribed time.  In addition, the mother could not assign these tasks to a "substitute" caretaker, as the moldable midget would only respond to the mother's care, courtesy of a wrist band that the "mother" would wave over the baby to identify her.  The mom's response (or lack thereof) registered on an internal computer that gave the teacher data to then assign a grade to mommy based on a 100% scale.



       The two high school girls followed in the story, we are told, are best friends.  One young girl, who told the reporter she was a Christian, wished to go to a religious based college and find the man of her dreams and then start a family early.  The other best friend was "theatre girl," interested in drama and performance, and clearly more likely to be the "wild child" of the two.

   
      So who do you think ended up with the higher grade at the end? I'll save you the suspense of waiting until another blog or looking up the story on NPR's website.  It was Theatre Girl hands down, with a score of 94% versus Prim and Proper's unimpressive 71%.

    
    So  much for preconceived notions of what characteristics make a good parent.  Now, candidly, this "real life drama" failed to give the mom a break at all, including when the moms were in class or rehearsing for a play.  Obviously parents of real life humanoids would not think of leaving a baby behind a stage curtain while rehearsing or bringing the child to class.  All parents need a break sometime.

   
    But I had to wonder, what if my two now adult daughters came with a readout  of how I measured as a parent from their infancy?   How would their father compare if the exams were placed next to each other?  Would I be graded on a curve based on my friends and how they parented their children? What are the criteria? How smart they are?  How nice they are? How talented they are?   Would it be a larger curve based on South Florida, Florida, the United States (sort of like a PSAT - but in this case it would be a Parent Standard Achievement Test)?  Perhaps more scary is what if my kids gave out the grades? I'm pretty sure I'd get a higher grade from one of them, but would they both give Dad a higher grade?  After all, he has about 1000 times more patience than I have, and he never nags them...if nagging were on the test I'd definitely get 100 percent.



    Fortunately for me, and perhaps most of us parents, we do not have to worry about getting a physical report card for our parenting skills.  But, as parents, it is not a bad idea to stop now and again, and do a little self evaluation score card.  No place would this be more appropriate than where parents are not living together, and share time with the other parent and the children.  This is not to suggest that you should measure yourself against the other parent.  Rather, remove yourself from the picture, become a third party observer (the proverbial fly on the wall) and think about how you handle  the day-to-day activities as well as those more difficult moments with your children. Better yet, imagine your children in the very distant future...at your funeral.  What would they say about how you raised them?  How would they describe your relationship (or lack thereof) with their other parent?  Would they say you always took the "high road"? Would they just skip over that because the memory was not a pleasant one? 



    Truly, this is a self- graded exam.  The results will not be published; they will not help you get into graduate school or get a better job, or get you a raise at work.  In some instances, a higher grade may result in a lower income because  good parenting involves a lot of time, a lot of patience and putting your kids above all else...even those negative emotions harbored with their other parent. 



      But, at the end of the day, if you, unlike the high school girls with their plastic pups, brought these babes into the world, then you owe it to them to try your best to, not only pass the course, but get a gold star.



      Try to remember this the next time you have the urge to bash the other parent in front of the kids!

 -Cindy Vova

Please visit my website www.vovalaw.com

The Petnuptial May be a "Purrfect" Solution for Marrying (and potentially divorcing) Pet Parents

        So it has been a few weeks since I posted my blog  that (shocker) pets are not people in the eyes of Florida courts. If you’ve spent any time contemplating that revelation then here is something to contemplate… a pet nuptial agreement.   Created in the United Kingdom by a pet charity known as Blue Cross (not to be confused by the U.S. insurance behemoth by the same name, though , admittedly, some people who have had that insurance probably feel like they’ve gone to a vet for treatment rather than a doctor), Petnups ( a purrrfect name)offers a download that covers ownership, responsibilities and rights if the human relationship goes sour.  This is pretty new wave considering that until a landmark case in 2010, the UK did not even recognize people prenups as binding.

       
        The document combines contracts for deeds of agreement (think-buying a car with a loan),  divorce settlements and consent orders in an attempt to make the Petnup a legally binding document.  Clearly, there is a need for such a document. Researchers found that  30 percent of divorcing couples  disputed ongoing pet care.  Bones of contention included who would pay for veterinary bills, availability for grooming, vacation and holiday plans and how long the pet should be left alone (sounds just like the issues with kids). According to Blue Cross, pets are often given up to shelters during a divorce when neither party wants nor can care for the pet after the breakup.

                The former chairman of the American Bar association Animal Law Committee, Rebecca Hass (a law professor at Valparaiso University who, perhaps in the lofty stacks of academia, has more time to contemplate and research this than a lowly lawyer in a tiny firm), was quoted in the January 2015 ABA Journal as saying the Petnup is a good idea, though it remains unclear as to whether a court would enforce it, especially as it concerns visitation and shared custody (or, as we might, in keeping with current child law, call it in Florida a Pet- time sharing and Pet-parenting plan).

            At the end of the day, if you are really as attached to your pet as your kids, (or perhaps even more so- at least pets greet you when you come home) it comes down to what is really going to be best for the pet.  If you want to keep the cat just because your soon-to-be ex loves it more than you, is that a good reason to fight for a cat you never liked? ( hint-no).  On the other hand, if you have a well adjusted pet who can easily adapt to changes well, maybe an agreement to time share makes sense.  And while you’re at it, you might think about what is going to happen to your pet if you die.  Trust and estate lawyers frequently include pet provisions in wills and trust.   Afterall, the late irate hotel magnate Leona Helmsley left her Maltese, Trouble, $2 million!  Now that was a lucky dog.[i]


Cindy Vova
www.vovalaw.com

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[i] Poor Trouble left  for the Rainbow Bridge in 2011, leaving, thankfully, the remainder of his unused largess to children’s charities.www.vovalaw.com

Pets Aren't People Too...According to Florida Law

 

          Our dog celebrated her 9^th birthday on December 31^st, and reluctantly, I must admit that with each passing year I have to acknowledge that she is more and more an integral part of our family.  Let’s face it, you know when your daughters are away at college and their texts consist of requests for daily videos and photos of our beloved Maltese…you know the dog is the third child we didn’t have.    I know I am not alone.  Statistics put the dollar volume that people spend on their pets at nearly $60 billion (and yes, that is BILLION) each year. For years Hallmark has cashed in on the bond between pets and people with animal sympathy cards when our pets go to the Rainbow Bridge. 

            
         So what happens when a family splits up?  Well, I know all too well the sometimes practical and sometimes prehistoric ways that parents deal with time sharing and parent plans plans (no more “custody” please in Florida…that smacks of the kids being objects rather than living, breathing humans) when it comes to their children.   But what about the family pet?  Let’s start with the law.  Florida does not provide for custody, timesharing, visitation or any other terminology you might come up with as it pertains to pets…be they fish or fowl, canine or cat.  Nope, as far as the Sunshine State is concerned, Fido is classified the same as the furniture.  In other words, the pet becomes part of equitable distribution…splitting up the property.  Just as divorcing folks do not have time sharing with the family room couch, courts give one party the sofa and, presumably the value of that now used couch is offset against another assets.  So it is  with the family pet.  If kitty was rescued from a shelter and you originally paid a $50 adoption fee, then theoretically, your spouse gets a $50 asset from the other marital property to ‘balance” the equation. Forget the fact that this pet has provided love and affection and there is no price that could substitute for her rubbing up against you when you get home each day (yeah, I have two cats as well), the law just doesn’t see it that way.  Moreover, if Fifi was from a champion bloodline and you laid out $5000 for that pet, then your spouse gets an offsets somewhere in other property for that $5000 if you keep the dog.

                What about if you are the registered owner of the pet?  Well, if the pet we purchased during the marriage then (with certain limited exceptions) it is marital property subject to equitable distribution, so the title to the dog does not really resolve the issues.  Now, will a judge, as a person (and maybe a pet owner too) take that into account?  Perhaps, but it is unlikely to appear as the rationale for the distribution in the final judgment.

                Of course, if you are a couple who never married, then the fact that the pet is registered to you and you have “title” to the animal more than likely will carry the day.

                So is there a way to work this out?  Yes, as there is always a way to work things out in family law without a court’s intervention.  The real questions becomes, do the parties want to do that?

            In my next blog I will show you one way to deal with “custody” of the pets that, quite candidly, I wish I’d thought of.  Still, it is worth sharing with all the rest of the pet lovers out there.

Read my other blogs and find out more about how the Law Firm of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. can assist you with your family law concerns.  Go to our website:  
www.vovalaw.com

Looking on the Bright Side...Divorce Aphorism for the Day

   Almost daily I find myself listening to a client who is having a difficult time dealing with the loss that inevitably accompanies a divorce.  In trying to comfort these clients, I sometimes find myself also at a loss in finding the right words of consolation.
   So, my search lead me to words from, perhaps an unlikely source, but nonetheless, these are the words of the beautiful Eva Longoria who, in spite of her gorgeous appearance, professional and financial success, also knows the pain of love loss, but approaches it with a healthy view.  Here goes:
                 "One thing I did learn is you don't hold on to the bitterness of the loss;
                    you hand on to the beauty of the love." 


    What a wonderful was to move on.


    More divorce aphorisms to come in the future.






See more on my websitewww.vovalaw.com


  

Why If Florida Same Sex Couples Marry in Haste They May Repent in Leisure

    

                 FINALLY!!!!  Barring any legal maneuvering that is not anticipated, same sex couples will be able to “tie the knot” once the clerks of Florida’s counties begin issuing marriage licenses. 

                Just for a brief legal background (if you are interested) a number of circuit court judges throughout the state had already ruled that Florida’s law banning gay marriages was unconstitutional. These judges include Miami-Dade Circuit Court Judge Sarah Zabel, who last July ruled in favor of six same-sex couples who sued a year ago to have the Miami-Dade Clerk issues them marriage licenses, and Broward Circuit Court Judge Dale Cohen, who ruled in August that Florida’s gay marriage ban was unconstitutional, and last month granted the first divorce to a Florida same sex couple who were married in another state.   However, a series of legal maneuvers stayed (legal for “stopped”) the judges’ ruling from actually taking effect pending a ruling from Federal Judge Robert Hinkle.  Although Judge Hinkle had already ruled Florida’s ban unconstitutional, he stayed (again) that ruling from taking effect until the state of Florida had exhausted its right to appeal the decision.

                According to Judge Hinkle, time’s up, and all clerks may issues marriage licenses to same sex couples as of 12:00 midnight on Tuesday, January 6, 2015. Media reports indicate that certain clerks’ offices and other authorities plan to preside over large same sex weddings that very same day…some as early as 3:00 a.m.!

                Now here’s the rub.  I know these ruling are long past due, and same sex couples are eager to share in the same benefits that married heterosexual couples enjoy.  But what these anxious couples may not be considering is that, in spite of the many benefits of marriage, so too are there enormous burdens.  Someone once told me that one who marries in haste repents in leisure.  Ask anyone who has gone through a divorce, and I think they will agree

                 Fortunately, even among the six couples who sued last year in Miami-Dade, according to an article in the Sun Sentinel, only one couple plans to move quickly and marry.   

                So, what does time give to these couples who have been legally barred from enjoying wedded bliss?  Well, it gives them time to consider a prenuptial agreement.  If you review some of my previous blogs about prenuptial agreements, you will see that they do not only address the “what ifs” of divorce, but many other issues that, if discussed and resolved in advance, may help create a happier union.

              Over my next series of blogs, I will point out many of those potential burdens and why a prenuptial agreement may be the first thing to plan before the wedding.   It will be worth the wait!


    The Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. in  Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, provides compassionate and caring legal advice to all  families we represent.  We welcome all the new "legal" families to Florida and look forward to serving you.  Please see our website by clicking the attached link to learn more about our firm. 
     www.vovalaw.com