Best Gifts for Mom? Read On

So here we are on the cusp of another Mother’s Day. The proverbial question always surfaces. What should we do/get Mom for Mother’s Day? Being the mother of only two children, I have no credentials to speak for all mothers, or even those who, bless their souls, mothered so many kids they could field their own sports team. However, since, as a family law attorney who, over the past three decades, has represented many mothers perhaps I have a little more insight into what the sisterhood of motherhood really wants from their children…not just on the second Sunday of May, but for now and always. Okay, okay, I won’t deny that I love the excitement of a surprise gift as much as the next mom. And when someone else does the cooking, be it in my own kitchen or at a restaurant, it is always a good day. But let’s face it, the flowers die, the gifts get worn out or used up (except jewelry …but even that often goes out of fashion) and the food, well, let’s just say the only thing that one retains from a nice meal is a few extra pounds. So what do moms want? When my kids were really little, and after caring for ill parents and working full time, what I really wanted for Mother’s Day was to be left alone. A single mom of three who works in my office said that “peace and quiet” was what she wanted this year. But instead she plans to take the kids to an art studio where they can paint a cup or dish or something so that she has a great fun day with her threesome and a little memento to remember that day long after. Another attorney lamented that she had to spend the day traveling from Miami to Palm Beach to see her mother, grandmother, mother-in-law and grandmother-in- law. I told her not to fret because the day would come when she didn’t have the burden placed on her on “her day”...but it would be when they were dead… I think I made my point. Typically, I get treated to brunch on Mother’s Day morning, but this year my oldest daughter is studying for the last two of her 1st year law school exams. So we are staying home, because I can’t think of anything worse than being out trying to enjoy the day with a daughter stressed out…besides it brings back flashbacks of that horrible time for me. So what would be my best short term gift for mother’s day? Well, my daughter getting a good grade on her torts and contracts exams would be way up there. So if by some fluke of life Professor Silver and Professor Sullivan somehow read this, her last name begins with a Z and her first name begins with a J…Thank you. Still, all in all, let’s review briefly what Moms do. Moms make the sacrifices. We go the sleepless nights; we organize the birthday parties; we don’t pass out when blood is gushing out of a child’s body part; we never (or rarely) miss their child’s sporting/dance event, even if the child plays the position of bench warmer most of the time; we put work (and more often “life”) on hold when a child calls to tell of their latest triumph or tribulation; we volunteer to be the parent who picks up not only their kids, but however many others the car will hold from a really late party and let them all sleep over; we leave notes taped on the bathroom mirror before leaving for work so their kids take care of things they are supposed to without getting a note (okay, maybe that’s only me, but nagging is one of my outstanding motherly characteristics according to my younger daughter); and we cry at the graduations and other life events. After all, the person who gave you life is at least entitled to that! Overall, all mothers want some assurance that we’ve done a good job being a mother. Many years ago, when my girls were still young, mothers going through divorces would often ask me if they were doing the right thing in raising their children. My answer back then was unwavering regardless of who asked. I simply replied, “Come back in 20 years and I’ll let you know, because, honestly, I don’t know if I am doing it right.” In the time I’ve had to make these observations, whether with clients or in my own circle, I’ve seen Moms who rightfully deserve the superhero award whose kids fell off the path, and I’ve seen moms who should be stripped of their titles who’ve turned out superstars. How do I reconcile that? I don’t, and hearken back to what Scarr, the evil uncle of Simba in the Lion King said to his naïve little nephew, “ life’s not fair.” Now that most of those 20 years have passed since this question was first posed to me, I am still not sure I could tell moms they are doing it right or wrong. But sometimes, when I least expect it, I watch my daughters emulate something I (think) I taught them, and even more so, sometimes they teach me a thing or two. These small moments of triumph are worth all the flowers and brunches in the world. In these moments, I’d like to think I at least got at least a passing grade. So to all you kids out there (which means you have a mom), on Mother’s Day go for the brunch and flowers, but let her know more than once a year, especially if she is a single mom, that you are grateful for everything she has given up for you, both large and small. It is the gift that keeps on giving! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL. -Cindy Vova To learn more about how the Law Office of Cindy S. Vova can assist you with family law matters, visit our website: http://www.vovalaw.com