Recipe for Divorce- Don't Discuss Finances

As a divorce/family law attorney, a question I am frequently asked is, "So, what's the main reason couples get divorced?" This is typically at some cocktail party or other social event when a stranger probes into my profession. Then, before I even have a chance to answer, I usually hear, "It's cheating, isn't it." "Well," I explain, "Cheating is a symptom, not a cause." Then I get a laundry list of other "reasons" people believe divorce happens. (Could they be running through their personal list? Possibly, because I usually can point to at least a few people in a crowd that I represented in a divorce at some point...well, I don't actually "point" but I do make a mental note) When I finally pronounce the Cindy Vova assessment of the #1 reasons people get divorced, it is quite simply this....lack of communication! And, if we narrow that field even more so, it is often lack of communication about finances. Now it's official. According to a study released in June by Fidelity Investments, even with couples who thought they communicated well, 43 percent of them did not correctly know how much their significant other earned. Moreover, almost 50 percent of those surveyed did not know how much money they would need to save to keep their lifestyle in retirement or disagreed about the amount, as well as the age that they should retire. (Hint here folks-unless you are really, really rich....it's NOT enough- so you'll be seeing my blogs for a long, long time...) It was the same with social security benefits- nearly 50 percent had no clue what they would get and when (hint: you can look it up on line through the social security administration) So there you have it folks...You can communicate about money, tell your spouse what's going on, and figure out this retirement thing to keep your marriage going strong. Or, you can help me plan for my retirement...! Cindy S. Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954-316-3496 For more about my firm, go to:

SUPREME COURT RULES- SAME SEX MARRIAGE RECOGNIZED IN ALL STATES

IT'S OFFICIAL! The United States Supreme Court just issued its 103 page long awaited opinion in the Obergefell v. Hodges case, holding that the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution "requires a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex and to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of State." In a 5-4 decision (remarkably close, I must say, and surprising as to some of the pros and cons), the Supreme Court closed up the various holes that existed and now has determined that the law of same sex marriage must be applied equally throughout the Country. As an attorney, candidly I am relieved that we finally have some consistency, and I marvel at how, after over 200 years since it was drafted, our Constitution continues to be a living and breathing documents that adapts to the changing times. As an American, I take comfort and pride in the fact that we continue to move (sometimes more slowly than others) toward putting substance behind that Pledge of Allegiance I said every morning in school, of a nation...."with liberty and justice for all." And, no matter what side of the decision you may be on, please also remember that our First Amendment still gives you freedom of speech to voice your opinion without censorship. Let's all be thankful that we live in the United States of America....and for same sex couples, the US now truly is "united." Cindy Vova Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 info@vovalaw.com 954.316.3496

DIVORCE APHORISM OF THE DAY... "The divorced person is like a man with a black patch over one eye: He looks rather dashing but the fact is that he has been through a maiming experience." -Jo Coudert

On a More Serious Note, Memorial Day Thoughts....

So here it is, Memorial Day Weekend. For most of us this (except those in the retail and hospitality business…sorry working daughter) means a three day weekend filled with sun, sand, and barbeques, or some variation thereto. Sadly, most of us have lost sight of the true meaning of “Memorial Day,” though it would seem quite obvious from the name of the holiday. Historically, my research tells me that the holiday originated as “Decoration Day” when General John Logan, commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, declared that May 30, 1868 would be “designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion…” For those who need a little honing on history, that would be the Civil War. Of course, still not ready to acknowledge that they “lost,” the Southern States (of which, regrettably Florida was…and is…one) did not take kindly to this designation. Nonetheless, as the United States added a flurry of other wars to its history, and thankfully not wars where we battled each other, the idea of a unified Memorial Day came to be and was officially declared by President Lyndon Johnson in 1966. Over the years I have represented a number of service men and women in various family law matters. It’s tough moving around so much, getting sent off to crazy foreign places with even crazier people around whose principal goal it is to blow up the world. (a little oversimplified, but hopefully the point is made), and to, at the same time, have a spouse and children thousands of miles away. These clients have always been respectful (I have to make them stop the “yes ma’am” because it just makes me feel so old) and compliant with what we need to help with their cases. So when I hear about the atrocities that face our soldier on a daily basis, and when I hear about another attack, and more soldiers making the “ultimate sacrifice,” I often wonder, and sincerely hope that I am not hearing about any former clients. Let’s face it, we all become hardened to these stories and, for the most part, military deaths reported on the nightly news (or Twitter feed or whatever social media has augmented the old school method of communication) become statistics that we are numb to hearing. Otherwise, in reality, we would probably sink into such a deep depression that daily functioning would become impossible. Those who are remembered on this day were son and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, uncles and aunts, cousins and friends. They were part of a family who made the ultimate sacrifice to allow the rest of us to spend this weekend with our families. Last summer I made a trip to the Normandy landing beaches in France, where the D-Day invasion during World War II began. While looking out from under a gray sky into the gray waters of the English Channel, and reading the accounts at the museum, I could not help but muster deep gratitude and pride in what my father’s generation achieved during those historic days. Yet, only a few hours later I visited the Normandy American cemetery in Colleville-Sur-Mer, France. Perched atop a breathtaking cliff overlooking Omaha Beach. The endless rows of meticulously lined white stone crosses, intermingled with stars of David, brought home the reality of what that battle truly cost. In 1973, when I was a young teenager, I visited another World War II military cemetery that looked the same in the Philippines. There are too many of these cemeteries around the world and in our own backyards from the battles of the past and the battles of the present. In gratitude and in memory, let us all take a moment away at 3:00 today, (official time)from our family festivities or whatever we are doing, to think about those who lost that part of their family. Never take for granted that and those we enjoy each day. (Hopefully the link below will show you the Normandy cemetery....) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxwXZYV2nVjAOFVXdGROZHZzWDBRSjRhUHk3QnpmY3gtT2RB/view?usp=sharing To Learn More About my firm, visit www.vovalaw.com

Best Gifts for Mom? Read On

So here we are on the cusp of another Mother’s Day. The proverbial question always surfaces. What should we do/get Mom for Mother’s Day? Being the mother of only two children, I have no credentials to speak for all mothers, or even those who, bless their souls, mothered so many kids they could field their own sports team. However, since, as a family law attorney who, over the past three decades, has represented many mothers perhaps I have a little more insight into what the sisterhood of motherhood really wants from their children…not just on the second Sunday of May, but for now and always. Okay, okay, I won’t deny that I love the excitement of a surprise gift as much as the next mom. And when someone else does the cooking, be it in my own kitchen or at a restaurant, it is always a good day. But let’s face it, the flowers die, the gifts get worn out or used up (except jewelry …but even that often goes out of fashion) and the food, well, let’s just say the only thing that one retains from a nice meal is a few extra pounds. So what do moms want? When my kids were really little, and after caring for ill parents and working full time, what I really wanted for Mother’s Day was to be left alone. A single mom of three who works in my office said that “peace and quiet” was what she wanted this year. But instead she plans to take the kids to an art studio where they can paint a cup or dish or something so that she has a great fun day with her threesome and a little memento to remember that day long after. Another attorney lamented that she had to spend the day traveling from Miami to Palm Beach to see her mother, grandmother, mother-in-law and grandmother-in- law. I told her not to fret because the day would come when she didn’t have the burden placed on her on “her day”...but it would be when they were dead… I think I made my point. Typically, I get treated to brunch on Mother’s Day morning, but this year my oldest daughter is studying for the last two of her 1st year law school exams. So we are staying home, because I can’t think of anything worse than being out trying to enjoy the day with a daughter stressed out…besides it brings back flashbacks of that horrible time for me. So what would be my best short term gift for mother’s day? Well, my daughter getting a good grade on her torts and contracts exams would be way up there. So if by some fluke of life Professor Silver and Professor Sullivan somehow read this, her last name begins with a Z and her first name begins with a J…Thank you. Still, all in all, let’s review briefly what Moms do. Moms make the sacrifices. We go the sleepless nights; we organize the birthday parties; we don’t pass out when blood is gushing out of a child’s body part; we never (or rarely) miss their child’s sporting/dance event, even if the child plays the position of bench warmer most of the time; we put work (and more often “life”) on hold when a child calls to tell of their latest triumph or tribulation; we volunteer to be the parent who picks up not only their kids, but however many others the car will hold from a really late party and let them all sleep over; we leave notes taped on the bathroom mirror before leaving for work so their kids take care of things they are supposed to without getting a note (okay, maybe that’s only me, but nagging is one of my outstanding motherly characteristics according to my younger daughter); and we cry at the graduations and other life events. After all, the person who gave you life is at least entitled to that! Overall, all mothers want some assurance that we’ve done a good job being a mother. Many years ago, when my girls were still young, mothers going through divorces would often ask me if they were doing the right thing in raising their children. My answer back then was unwavering regardless of who asked. I simply replied, “Come back in 20 years and I’ll let you know, because, honestly, I don’t know if I am doing it right.” In the time I’ve had to make these observations, whether with clients or in my own circle, I’ve seen Moms who rightfully deserve the superhero award whose kids fell off the path, and I’ve seen moms who should be stripped of their titles who’ve turned out superstars. How do I reconcile that? I don’t, and hearken back to what Scarr, the evil uncle of Simba in the Lion King said to his naïve little nephew, “ life’s not fair.” Now that most of those 20 years have passed since this question was first posed to me, I am still not sure I could tell moms they are doing it right or wrong. But sometimes, when I least expect it, I watch my daughters emulate something I (think) I taught them, and even more so, sometimes they teach me a thing or two. These small moments of triumph are worth all the flowers and brunches in the world. In these moments, I’d like to think I at least got at least a passing grade. So to all you kids out there (which means you have a mom), on Mother’s Day go for the brunch and flowers, but let her know more than once a year, especially if she is a single mom, that you are grateful for everything she has given up for you, both large and small. It is the gift that keeps on giving! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL. -Cindy Vova To learn more about how the Law Office of Cindy S. Vova can assist you with family law matters, visit our website: http://www.vovalaw.com

No Changes to Alimony-Florida Legislature It's All Phony

With the recent deadlock that took place between the Florida House and Senate, resulting in a legislative session that did, essentially, nothing, I was reminded of a boyfriend I had in college at the University of Miami, who I met in, of all places, accounting class. When our Friday class ended and our weekend officially began, I would always suggest that we do our homework so that we'd have it out of the way. "But what if the world ends on Sunday? Then we'd have wasted our last weekend studying," he would always retort. For the past two months, every evening I'd say to myself, "time to write a blog about the two bills pending in the Florida House and Senate regarding alimony reform." Now, I was well aware of what each of these bills contained, and I had even discussed them with clients, and had done some preliminary calculations using the proposed formulas for calculating alimony. Alas, any insight this blog would have provided would all have been for naught. Yes folks, as you've likely already discovered, the House, running loggerheads with their brothers and sisters in the Senate, decided to just pick up their bats and balls and go home. (Remember, this is our state government and not Little League.) Thus, it seems pretty likely that any changes to the current Florida Alimony Statute will just have to wait until next year. Whew, do I feel better that I didn't impart any useless information on you this round. A side note, however, just today Senate President Andy Gardiner and House Speaker Steve Crisafulli told their minions that they are to return for a June session where, at the very least, they will attempt to pass a State budget...or face a state government shutdown (no court??) Clearly, there are a lot more important items that impact on many more residents of this state than alimony reform and the House and Senate need to do the jobs we elected them to do. Of course, my clients may disagree, but that's another story. I just sincerely hope that the special session next month doesn't mess up any of our legislators' vacation plans. As for next year, I hope the Senate understands that alimony and timesharing with children do not fit in the same bill. In the meantime, if you need assistance with current family law matters, please contact our office or visit our website to learn more about how we can assist you (under the current law!)http://www.vovalaw.com Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. 8551 West Sunrise Blvd., Suite 301 Plantation, FL 33322 954-316-3496

The Family Law Attorney-Robots Need Not Apply

              So, I am sitting in room full of very wealthy people.  (Note: I am only here for observation), and we are learning about digital/machine technology that bit-by-bit continues replacing people in various fields.  The very intelligent speaker (I’d like to come back as this speaker who waxes so eloquently) tells me, as well as a room of about 200 other people who are, as previously mentioned, ostensibly very wealthy, about surgeries performed by robots and sometimes by doctors in remote locations. (Wait, let me put down this pina colada and make the incision).  He spoke of other computers that can do all sorts of functions that humans  used to do  using this wonderful technology concept with algorithms and lots of other cool terms that I could throw out in the blog but, candidly , don’t have a clue how they work. Then he piqued my interest when he spoke about machines that can help make legal decisions(!)

                He spoke of a world where “humans need not apply.”  So true in so many situations.  He even spent some time talking about the self-driving car (Hey, I thought of this idea probably 45 years ago. However, since I was to be a future lawyer, I fit right into the mold as an over-ambitious person who sucks at math and science, and missed the boat on that one.)

                As the speaker continued on, I had the urge to stand up and pose an objection (Hey, I am a trial lawyer, after all).  Of course, under the circumstances, that would have been rude, so those manners my parents (who are long gone) taught me prevailed, and I just decided to write about my dissent instead.

                The grounds for my objection were (in my head) based on the following:  There are just some jobs where humans not only need apply, but where humans must apply and must perform.

                I like to think that my job as a family law attorney is one such position that cannot be replaced.  Why? Because family law transcends so much more than just the law.  Yes, one of those rocket scientists could probably program a machine to crank out vanilla pleadings that have the barebones necessities to say what needs to be pled, and to calculate child support Candidly, we already have that.  But what about the rest?  You see, as one of my favorite law professors said to my class over 30 years ago, “the facts do make an impact on the case.”  So while I continue to use a bunch of unrelated quotes, let me continue with classic rocker Rod Stewart who said “every picture tells a story.” Almost without exception, each of the over 2000 family law cases that have made their way through my door, had its own unique story.  And I listen to each story, and as I contemplate the facts, the most important thing I do is I care.  The one thing that always shocks me is when a client says, “I know I don’t have a big case, and you have more important clients…”  I don’t know if I want to laugh or feel hurt, because without exception, I tell that client, “When you are here in my office, you are the most important client I have.”  And, I really mean this because, as I often say, I was a person long before I became a lawyer.[1]

                So, notwithstanding that moving lecture I heard the other night, I am pretty confident that I have job security, and my staff does as well.  Because, one of the essential tools in family law, at least in my practice, is having a heart.[2] Although there are machine-made artificial hearts, they cannot replace a real heart needed to practice family law. I know some of my family law colleagues do not share my view and do not practice with a heart.  But, at the end of the day, I think I sleep a little better at night, and hopefully so do my clients.

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[1] After so many years in practice, I have now been a lawyer more years than my pre-lawyer life, but I have not lost touch with the human part as it is the most important part.

[2]  One also needs this to land the role of the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz).

Learn more about the Law Office of Cindy S. Vova, P.A. at www.vovalaw.com