TOP 10 THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE FILING FOR DIVORCE(But this Blog has Only the First Five)

As a family law attorney who has now been admitted to the Georgia and Florida Bars for over 30 years (!), I managed to, unwittingly, get on what seems to be every mailing list relating to divorce and family.  So when I received the Financial Analyst¸ published by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, I was drawn to an article entitled Ten Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce.

             Here, ladies and gentlemen, are the first “five things” to consider, per that article, with my “spin” on them.  You’ll have to wait for the follow up blog for the next five: 

1. Are you sure?  You darn well better be, because this is playing for not keeps in this game.  The first thing I ask prospective clients (unless they are subject to mental or physical domestic violence…in which case I say run!) is whether they tried counseling.  In their best case, they are able to work things out with their spouses and I lose a client (in which case they hopefully send me a neighbor who can’t work it out), and in the worst case, five years after the divorce they won’t ponder if they did everything to save the marriage and be burdened with that self doubt.
2. Do your research.  If this means checking up on an attorney you are contemplating hiring, by all means.  If this means asking for free consultations with ten attorneys, please don’t call my office.  As an attorney, the only “thing” I have to sell you is my time and knowledge.  As such, please do not expect an attorney to give you all the free advice you need to become a “do it yourselfer.”  Go to Home Depot for that.  Second, if your “research” is telling me what your friend, who is divorced, says the law is for your case, please go hire your friend as your counsel.  Besides the fact that (absent if the friend is a member of the Florida Bar) the unlicensed practice of law potentially subjects a person to a civil injunction or, in more extreme cases, indirect criminal contempt, you will get what you pay for…nothing.
3.  Set your goals.   If this means how you are going to go it alone after the divorce, yes, this is a good thing to think about. If, on the other hand, it means “how can I suck every last nickel out of my spouse, make my spouse’s life miserable, say such horrible things to my kids that they will end up hating both parents, then these are goals I will not help you achieve.  Though you may be angry and/or hurt in the beginning (understandable) not only are these bad goals, but they will drain a substantial amount of money from the marital pot into the lawyers’ coffers.  If you still want to do this, message me separately.  I can surely provide you with a long list of my colleagues who will be more than happy to take more of your money than is necessary.  I, however, am not one of those attorneys.
4. Keeping the home?  Yes, something you have to contemplate.  I read once, and tell my clients, that you can fit as much love in a little home as you can in a big house. Don’t convince yourself that your kids need to stay in the house if financially that is not a good move. Children are much more adaptable than we think.  Remember, two households (and that’s what will exist after the divorce) cannot live as economically as one household.  Don’t let emotions overcome practicality. (This from one whose parents sold her house when in her first year of law school and didn’t leave forwarding address…just kidding about the latter)
5. Consider custody.  Yes, that’s definitely a good idea of you have children.  (as opposed to putting them in foster care?)  By the way, divorce law in Florida has done away with “custody.”  We have “time sharing,” which is really a better description.  Parents should share time, not possess a child. But really, do you want ALL the time with your children?(because you never need any “down” time for yourself and want to be responsible for them 24/7)  Are you demanding more time so you can reduce your child support? (and then you will have them more and it will cost you even more to feed them) Will this “show” your soon to be ex that you are the better parent? (and where is the reality show that awards that trophy?)  In other words, stop thinking about what is good for you and really take a look at what will be best for your children. Remember…your children are entitled to both a mother and a father, even if they don’t live in the same house!
    
   Hang tight….then next five will be here soon.